How could I ever be certain the rage he displayed that night never touched me?
Hayden shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. A man was taken from his family. And I did it.”
“You said Remy was—”
He shook his head before I could finish. “He stopped. I didn’t. He’s the one who pulled me off the guy. He’s the one who pled guilty to involuntary manslaughter and never once brought up my name. He’s the one who spent almost a year in juvie for something I did.” He finally swiped at his tears. “I live with the guilt every day. Every. Fucking. Day.”
“You owe him.” It wasn’t a question. It was the realization of why he put up with Remy. And why he jumped whenever Remy called. “But something happened to make you question that loyalty.”
Hayden’s glassy eyes met mine, startled by my assertion.
“You left him at the sheriff’s office. You didn’t fight to get him out.”
Hayden’s eyes drifted to the window, staring out at nothing but darkness. He’d unloaded so much more than I ever expected. So much more than I was equipped to deal with.
“What was his name?”
Hayden’s wide eyes shot my way. His tear-stained cheeks such a contradiction to his tough reputation. “What?”
“What was the man’s name? The one in the alley.”
He paused, like I’d asked a difficult question. The longer I watched him contemplate his response, the more I realized he’d never uttered the man’s name before. “Victor,” he whispered.
My heart lurched.
Was I heartbroken or relieved?
My mind flashed back to Victor’s grave. To Hayden standing all alone in the darkness.
“I’m no better than my father.”
My head jerked back. Did he really believe that?
While I obviously struggled to make sense of the truth he’d unloaded on me, make sense of the fact that the guy I’d been falling for with each passing day had killed a man, I knew one thing for sure. Hayden wasn’t a cold-blooded murderer like his father.
I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it in his touch.
He lived with his guilt. He felt remorse. He wanted forgiveness. He needed absolution for his sins. Unfortunately, no matter how many times he visited Victor’s grave, it would never come.
But it didn’t stop him.
“Your father was a coward.” The anger in my voice surprised both of us. “He took the easy way out. Living with the guilt is the hard part.”
His eyes were too much for me to take. He was hurting. His candor had taken everything out of him. And while he may not have explained my questions about Remy, he’d been open. More open than he’d ever been. He deserved a reprieve—at least for the time being.
Pushing aside any doubts I had about him, any trepidations I had about his temper or his past, I leaned up and kissed his cheeks, eliminating the salty tears with my lips.
“You are not your father, Hayden.”
His eyes squeezed shut. The truth too much for him to take.
“You’re a good person who made a mistake. You didn’t set out to kill anyone. It’s terrible it happened. For you, for him, for his family. But it can’t be erased. You need to let go of the guilt.”
His eyes opened, dropping to his knees. “Remy’s the only one who knows the truth.”
I closed my eyes, letting the reality sink in and the fact that he trusted me with his deepest, darkest secret.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what you think of me.”
I took a deep breath, hoping the words that followed were the absolute truth. “I think you’re an amazing guy who survived more than one horrific event in your lifetime. You’ve been living this existence haunted and alone for too long. It’s time you let someone else in.” I cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “Let that someone be me.”
“Why?” he whispered.
“Because I love you, Hayden. There’s nothing you can tell me that will stop that.”
His breath caught in his throat and his eyes expanded.
I pressed my lips to his salty lips and made him feel my words. He slipped his arms around me and collapsed onto the sofa with me clinging to his chest. He held me for silent hours, before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ALEX
I hadn’t spent the night at Hayden’s. I’d woken up—if that’s what you’d call what I’d done after he dropped the bombshell—and snuck out. I needed time to think. And I couldn’t do it with Hayden near me. I needed distance to put everything into perspective.
I’d