made you disappear.
Fuuuuck.
Remy and I screwed up one too many times.
This was how it all ended. I knew I survived too many bad situations unscathed to make it out of this nightmare alive.
I gripped the sides of my head with shaking hands, thoughts zigzagging every which way. Had Cooper already called Remy? Was he going to do it when we were together? Maybe he’d make Remy kill me. Maybe that’s why Remy called.
I stood from the sofa on shaky legs, unable to sit still. I paced the length of the living room trying to calm my nerves. Trying not to pass out. Trying to wrap my head around what inevitably awaited me once I left my apartment.
I rushed to my front door. I needed to pick up Alex and get the hell out of town before Cooper even knew I disappeared. I’d take her up north. Maybe home to Austin. Or maybe somewhere no one knew us.
I stopped with my hand on the door knob.
Then dropped my forehead against the door.
What was I thinking?
I couldn’t bring Alex into it. It was my mess. My fucking mess. And as stupid as my decision had been to join Remy in Cooper’s organization, I chose it. And seriously, if I thought for one second Cooper wouldn’t find me, I was delusional. He’d find me. And when he did, he’d do worse than kill me.
* * *
By nine-thirty, I’d downed at least a quarter of a bottle of Jack. I normally had a high tolerance for alcohol, but I couldn’t walk a straight line to save my life.
To save my life.
I almost laughed at the irony, because there was no saving my life. Cooper was going to kill me.
I stepped out of my apartment in a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans. The sweatshirt itself seemed fitting. It’s what I wore to Victor’s grave. I threw the hood up over my head. It’d be my only protection from the fate awaiting me.
Before I took another step, Alex’s door flew open. She dug her hands into her hips. “Going somewhere?”
My eyes raked over her body, so unbelievably hot in her little blue pajama shorts and matching top. I couldn’t stop myself. I stalked over, my lips crashing down on hers as I pushed her into her apartment and shoved the door shut. “Is your aunt home?” I asked against her lips.
She shook her head with a giggle as her lips moved with mine.
I picked her up and her legs wrapped around my hips. I loved how light she felt in my arms. How we fit together. Always eager. Always in sync. But we didn’t have much time. I dropped down onto the sofa with Alex straddling my lap.
She pulled back, licking her lips with a little grin. “I could get used to hellos like this.”
But it wasn’t hello. It was a cruel, untimely goodbye.
“Did you leave any liquor for anyone else? Your breath’s lethal.”
I shook my head. No use denying it.
I stared into her eyes, trying to memorize every little fleck of mint green etched into them. My God, it was going to be hard to walk out that door. Hard to leave the best thing that ever came into my life. Hard to break her heart. “I’ve got to run out for a little while.” I tried for nonchalance, but my shaky, slightly slurred words were anything but.
“When will you be back?” Her brows bounced playfully. “Because that kiss is going to keep me awake all night if you don’t finish what you started.”
At a moment like that, I couldn’t believe I even had it in me to laugh. “I’ve created a monster.” And within seconds, I’d be abandoning her. Like everyone she trusted before me.
The thought sobered my drunk ass.
Alex’s fingers played with the hair at the back of my neck. I loved when she did that. I never told her that. I never told her a lot of things. Now it was too late.
“You were pretty upset this afternoon. You feel any better?”
I shook my head. Couldn’t she feel my entire body trembling?
“Anything I can do?” She nuzzled into my neck, kissing the sweet spot below my ear with tiny wet kisses that numbed my skin.
“I love you.” The words flew out before I could stop them.
Her lips froze. Nope. Every part of her body froze.
“I just thought you should know.”
Her head pulled back slowly. Her wide eyes stared into mine. I could practically hear her thoughts. Her fears. Her shock. She thought