all back, wish it away, close my eyes and wake up back in Victor’s bed, in his arms. I need to do something, call him and apologize, anything is better than this.
I pay the driver and make my way up the walkway to my house. Pulling my keys out of my purse, I unlock the door and toss my bags, unceremoniously on the floor. I close and lock the door and turn on the living room lights. I turn around and am startled when I come face to face with Victor. He’s standing there, blank face, unsure of himself. The pain in my chest instantly subsides, and a fresh batch of tears start to fall from my eyes.
I shake my head, to let him know I’m an idiot. “I’m so sorry,” I cry, running into his arms. I throw my arms around his neck and he slinks his arms around my waist. “I’m such a fucking bitch. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Victor hugs me tighter, putting his face in the crook of my neck, he murmurs, “Shh. It’s okay, love, it’s alright.”
“I’m so stupid. I know you didn’t do anything wrong,” I say, gripping at his shirt with my fists, trying to somehow get closer to him.
“You’re not stupid. Come on, let’s sit you down.” Victor leads me over to the couch and helps me sit. He takes a seat on the coffee table directly in front of me so that we’re face to face, our knees touching. He uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears off of my face.
“Wait a minute, what are you even doing here? How did you get in? Where’s Rob?”
He lets out a little chuckle. “Babe, I told you I wasn’t letting you go that easily right?” I nod. “Gavin and I exchanged numbers during dinner last week. I called him, explained what happened, he met me here and let me in. Rob stayed behind.”
All of a sudden I’m scared of what, if anything, my brother has divulged. “What did Gavin say to you?”
“Nothing, Ellie. He said that you’ve been through a lot and that I should be patient with you.” Not too bad, but bad enough that I know I’m gonna have to give something away.
“Do you wanna tell me what happened back there, Babe?”
I blink up at him. “I think maybe you were right. I was just looking for a reason to end it. To protect myself from getting hurt.”
“Because someone hurt you in the past.”
I nod, and let out a slow breath, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. “I met Brian not long after my mom died. He was larger than life. Nice, sweet, cute. Perfect package, ya know? I was lonely and sad, and in a lot of pain. I think a part of me knew that he wasn’t right for me but I was so desperate to fill this void that she left behind, this insane emptiness.”
“That’s normal, Babe,” he says, wiping away a fresh set of tears.
“We started out hot and heavy and before long, he was moving into my apartment. Once he moved in, I started noticing things.”
Victor’s eyes go wide. “What kind of things?”
“I don’t know, like he couldn’t hold a job. He was constantly getting fired from places and then blaming it on the company, saying they just didn’t like him. He would go out a lot, stay out till late and say he was just hanging out with friends. He never had money. I was always giving him money, and I did it because I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me. I didn’t want to lose that. I had already lost my mom, I didn’t think I could handle losing one more person that I thought I loved.”
“That’s understandable,” Victor says, trying to make me feel better. How did this conversation even start? My head is screaming for me to shut down and not say another word but my mouth is just not listening. The thought of Victor looking at me with pity is more than I can handle. Millions of people deal with bad boyfriends and broken hearts, who am I to think that my situation is any more profound or painful, but I keep talking because something is telling me that he’ll understand.
“Around 10 months in, during one of the times that he was working, he bought a little ring and asked me to marry him. I think he just proposed to keep