thing I need to repack is my toothbrush and makeup. I keep hold of my bag as I walk into his bathroom. Quickly, I grab my things and toss them in my bag. I exit the bathroom and he’s standing there looking completely dumbfounded.
“What the hell are you doing, Ellie?” Victor questions, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m leaving!” I say, raising my voice. I walk around him and head back downstairs. Victor’s right on my heels.
“I know that, but why? I mean what the fuck? I didn’t do anything wrong. You must know that, right?” Of course I know that, but I’m already too deep into the tantrum and now I have to commit to it.
“I didn’t come here to get insulted by the women in your life,” I spit out, turning to face him. “I think this is more than I bargained for and I’m certainly more than you bargained for.”
“Oh, I see,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “You just couldn’t fucking wait to find something that you could twist and turn on me so that you could end this.”
I square my shoulders and stand a little straighter. “Or maybe I just realized it wasn’t worth it.” There she is, the girl I created to protect my heart. I can’t explain why I’m doing this. I guess old habits are hard to break. I want to stay with him. I want to tell him that I was wrong, that my fear grabs hold of me so tightly that it makes it hard for me to breathe, but I can’t. So I let him stare at me with obvious pain in his eyes, doing nothing to remedy the hurt.
Finally, he speaks. “If this is how you wanna act, when something happens between us, go, Ellie. I’ll make sure Rob gets you home.”
“I don’t need Rob to get me home. I’ll get myself home.” I throw his generosity in his face.
“Right, cause you don’t need anyone!” he says, having a hard time controlling his anger.
“Exactly!” I say the word but I don’t mean it. I feel like I need him, like he’s the catalyst to make all of me whole again. Now it’s too late. I’ve acted like a bitch and now I have to deal with the consequences.
“Rob will take you home,” he demands. I don’t bother fighting.
“Fine!” I say throwing the door open and boarding the elevator. I look down, not wanting to see his face, but as soon as the doors close, I let the tears spill. When I make it outside, Rob is standing by the open door of the car waiting for me. I turn to the right, outside of the door and bolt.
“Elle, wait!” I hear Rob call, but I don’t listen. I make my way around the corner and quickly flag down a taxi. I ask the cabbie to take me to Penn Station. I wipe my face free of tears and try to calm myself down. The sound of my phone ringing in my purse startles me. I fish it out and look at the caller ID. Of course, Victor’s learning that I just ditched Rob. I silence the phone and toss it back in my purse.
Once inside Penn station, I grab a train ticket to my stop. Luckily, the train station is only a few minutes away from my house and there should be available cabs. I grab a coffee from one of the many vendors inside the station and make my way to my assigned platform. The train runs hourly and, thankfully, I’m right on time.
It’s late enough that the train isn’t so full. There are plenty of seats and I’m able to sit alone for the entire ride. I stare out the window, the world melting away in a haze. Mentally I’m beating myself up for being so stupid. Victor didn’t do anything wrong, he was just an unfortunate casualty of my craziness. I just need a good night’s sleep. Everything will be better in the morning. My head will be clear and I can decide whether or not I should leave it alone or beg for forgiveness.
Almost three hours later, I’m in a cab on my way home. My chest hurts. It’s a physical ache that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’ve got no one but myself to blame. I let the demons of my past destroy my wonderful present. I want to take it