blame her, having a child at 20 can’t be easy. She tried to convince Gavin that the best option would be to give the baby up for adoption but Gavin would not consent to that. They fought about it for the majority of the pregnancy until near the end when Gavin finally fessed up to Mom and Dad about what was going on. They supported him and together they convinced his girlfriend to sign away her rights to the baby and give Gavin full custody. I’ve always looked up to my brother but the way he fought for Gemma made me completely idolize him. As a family, we all chipped in and helped him to take care of Gemma until Gavin was able to finish college, get a job in a marketing firm and move into his own home with her.
Three hours later, dinner is finally over and the only people left in the restaurant are Dad, Gavin and myself. Gemma sweet-talked her way into a sleep over at a friend’s house. I sit at the table sipping flat cola from a straw. As I stare out the window, my mind goes back to the bookstore, back to those milk chocolate eyes that did something unexplainable to me. It was an unfamiliar feeling. I’m still not sure what to make of it. I can’t, however, deny that it was a good feeling. It had the power to scare me and excite me all at once. I’ve had my share of lovers and relationships but the concept of love is foreign to me. I had thought I’d been in love once but it turned out to be a bad imitation. A relationship which left me so torn and tattered that it took me years to come back from the emotional damage that it caused. Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m still kind of an emotional misfit. Some scars never really heal and because of my newfound need for self-preservation, I’ve constructed a coat of armor so strong that it will never be penetrated. It’s a price I am willing to pay to make sure that I never get hurt again.
“Kiddo, you okay? You look miles away.” I snap out of my daze and turn my head to face my father.
“Yeah Dad, I’m fine. Just tired. It’s been a long day.” He has a look that says he doesn’t believe me but he lets it go and gives me a small smile.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says to Gavin and I. They both move to get up. I join them but decide that I need a moment alone.
“You guys go on ahead. I have to use the bathroom.”
Gavin, picking up his jacket and putting it on, says, “Are you sure, Elle. We can wait for you?”
“Yes, Gav, I’m sure. I’ll give you both a call tomorrow.” I hug and kiss them both and, as they leave, I head to the bathroom. I walk in, go to the sink and splash some cold water on my face. I dry myself off and take a look in the mirror. I barely recognize the reflection. Looking back at me is a woman who is very different from the woman I used to be. Dark hair that used to be blonde, little makeup where there used to be more, conservative clothing where there used to be young trendy fashion. I mean, I don’t look like a nun or anything. I actually look good, but it’s certainly a far departure from what I looked like two years ago. I take one final glance in the mirror and turn to leave the bathroom. It’s definitely about time for this day to come to an end.
I exit the restaurant in a hurry, desperate to get to my car and go home. As I step onto the sidewalk, I’m startled as someone bumps into me, slamming against my shoulder with such force that I’m thrown down to my knees. I can feel the familiar heat rising to my cheeks in yet another embarrassing moment. Seriously? It is a fitting end to a shitty day. I start to push myself off the ground as I hear him.
“I’m so sorry,” I hear the familiar voice say. Before I can lift my head to see his face, I feel a strong hand grasp my arm as the other goes around my waist and pulls me up. “Are you okay, Miss? I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention to where I