be furious with myself but I’m not. Truth be told, if I could pat myself on the back I would. Why shouldn’t I enjoy everything that we’ve shared over the past few weeks? I’m starting to understand that I shouldn’t let one past relationship dictate the outcome of the rest of my life. This is good. What Victor and I have is very good, and even though I still can’t let myself think in terms of forever, I can enjoy him in the here and now. Whatever happens, I’ll be alright. I’m a lot stronger now than I was a few years ago. I’m smarter, braver and not so fucking naïve. I can allow myself to be his and still hold onto the essence of who I am as a person. I don’t have to change for him and I don’t think Victor would want me to. He likes me for me, I’m sure of it. He’s never given me any indication to the contrary. Everything about him screams of kindness, loyalty, passion and a giving nature. After last night, I know there’s no going back, I’m addicted.
Now that my plans for a life of solitude, have gone out the window, I may as well embrace it. I shift my body so that I can nuzzle my nose in the crook of Victor’s neck. I hear him let out a soft groan and it makes me chuckle. I repeat the maneuver, and he shifts in his sleep, moving onto his back. This is a playful side of myself that I’m not all too familiar with, but I like that he brings out this side of me. I shuffle myself closer to him, and kiss and suck on his neck, my right hand traveling down until I encircle his hardness in my hand. I begin a soft stroking motion and continue kissing on his neck.
My teasing stops abruptly when I find myself on my back pinned down to the bed. I’m greeted by Victor’s heated eyes causing the fluid to rush between my legs. He dips his lips to my ear and whispers, “You’re playing a very dangerous game.”
My heart flutters. “You don’t like the games I play?”
He lifts his eyes to mine again and grins. “Baby, I’ll play whatever game you want as long as you’re willing to finish it.”
“I’ll finish it,” I say, tugging his bottom lip with my teeth and bucking my hips up as an invitation. He stares at me for a moment then kisses me tenderly.
“I need you to know I’m clean, okay? I saw your birth control pills in your kitchen the other day so I know you’re protected. I should have said something last night.”
“I trust you.” That’s all I need to say to him, he enters me quickly, filling me completely and leaving me breathless. I whimper at the feel of him as he begins to move inside of me. He grabs onto my hands and pulls them up to either side of me, linking his fingers through mine. It’s a simple act but it makes me feel closer to him, like it somehow connects us further.
Victor never lets go of my hands, like he’s holding onto me for dear life. He kisses my neck as he increases the pace. “Fuck, Baby, you feel so good.” I tighten my grip on his hands, the familiar jolt of electricity, awakening my nerve endings, telling me that I’m close.
“Oh God, Baby,” I whimper, the sensations getting more and more intense. I lift my legs, locking them around his waist, giving him better access and increasing my pleasure. He grounds his hips in a circular motion and takes my mouth in his, muffling my cries as I come in a spectacular wave of currents. He thrusts again, coming as I start to regain my composure. “Wow,” I say as he collapses on top of me, his face in my neck again.
“Wow,” he whispers in agreement. He lifts his head, nuzzling my nose. “Good morning, Love.”
“Good morning,” I say, beaming at him.
“You look very happy.”
“I am very happy.” That’s what scares me.
He pushes my hair away from my face. “If you let me, I’ll make sure you’re happy a lot.”
I feel a lump in my throat, his words hit me hard. Besides my family, no one has ever really cared about my happiness. “I can try.” It’s the same vow I’ve been making to myself since he walked into my life, but today, I feel like it’s