I can’t be with someone who’d lie to me.”
“And this isn’t about Tarek?” Soran asked skeptically.
“I… No. I don’t know. Not really.” I sighed in frustration. “Tarek is the one who told me about Kellin and Cyrena. But I practically had to beat it out of him. Tarek and I ...” My voice trailed off as I thought about it. “It’s nothing.” The lie ate at me before it even left my mouth. It was something, but what I didn’t know.
“Ana, how do you know Kellin lied to you? Why do you think that? Because he didn’t tell you? Did you see it? Did you ever stop to think that this is painful for him too? Yes, it’s true, Kellin was in love with Cyrena. But if he’d loved her more, no force would’ve torn him from her.”
“He didn’t love me when he left her. He didn’t even really know me. I was only a child. He was just following orders. He claimed to love me before the announcement of our engagement. But he still went to see Cyrena. He spent the night with her the night before our engagement announcement. Do you know how that makes me feel? I’ve been pushing it out of my mind, Soren, but I know if he loved me he wouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, but I can’t buy into him doing it—loving her, being with her—because he genuinely gave a damn about me. This is about obligations. Not love.”
“You’re missing my point. Kellin is a good, loyal man. He wants what’s best for his kingdom, and you’re what’s best.”
“I’m not a prize, Soran,” I snapped bitterly. “I want to be wanted simply because someone cannot live without me. Calix couldn’t, and that’s why he gave his life to save me. Not because of my title or what my presence could offer him. Tarek told me about how Kellin’s engagement wasn’t dissolved. How his father has failed to meet the requirements to break the contract.”
“He hasn’t.” Soran sighed. “And I don’t know why. Perhaps embarrassment.”
“Kellin is still rightfully Cyrena’s. I can’t be with him like that.”
“You’re right,” Soran agreed, hanging his head. “Legally, you cannot. I’ll speak to father over it. If father agrees, and I’m sure he will, to speak to Kellin’s father and persuade him to officially dissolve Kellin’s engagement to Cyrena, will you please consider remaining with Kellin? He does love you, Ana. Very much so.”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. My head and heart were so inundated with emotions I couldn’t think straight. “There’s too much going on right now for me to think clearly. I was still getting over Calix when this was thrown at me. In fact, I’m still struggling with my feelings for Calix, and I’ve only succeeded with distracting myself from them. I let myself go with Kellin. I let myself feel for him, love him. To find out he lied to me even when I asked him about it… I just can’t. Not right now. Not like this. Not-not with my head and heart so jumbled right now.”
“You can do it, Ana. Do you love Kellin?” Soran demanded passionately. “Do you feel for him in any way? You said you did. You said there’s nothing with Tarek.”
“I… Tarek… I don’t know. It’s something different with Tarek. Something I don’t even want to ponder. With Kellin, of course I love him,” I scoffed. “I’ve always felt for him, even before all this.” I gestured around. “I didn’t guard my heart closely enough with him. I let him have it, as in pieces as it was. It was a mistake.”
“It wasn’t a mistake. Be with him. He’s ready to die for you. If nothing has happened with Tarek, just let it go with Kellin. Stop this before it starts. You and Tarek can never happen, Ana. He isn’t royalty. Father would never break the contract to see you marrying a commoner instead of a prince set to become the king of our greatest ally.” He stared sadly at me.
I flinched at the truth in his words.
“Be with Kellin, the man you’ve known your whole life. The man who I know is out there right now aching to be with you.”
“He gave up his life for me once already. I don’t want him to sacrifice it again. I’d rather spend eternity alone than force someone into loving me.” I grew quiet for a moment before speaking, “Do you think I’m being childish? Whiny?”
“A bit,” Soran sighed.