not your fault, either. It never was.” She comes to stand on the other side of the cot, glaring at her mother with the same contempt I feel. “I get why you want her dead, Baz. I want her dead too.”
“Then why the fuck are you working so hard to save her?”
“She’s not the one I’m trying to save.” She glances up and meets my gaze. “If you want to do this, I can’t stop you. Hell, part of me wants to just stand aside and tell you to go for it. It’s not like she deserves to live.”
“You should listen to that part. It’s the smart half.”
“Baz, killing someone, even if they deserve it… It will destroy you, inside and out. You don’t need to be clairsentient to know that.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she’s right. Taking someone’s life? There’s a cost, and it’s a hell of a lot heavier than just going to jail.
I don’t have to climb very far up the family tree for a shining example of that little truism.
“You don’t have to talk to me about this,” she says. “Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. But there’s someone you should open up to—if and when you’re ready.” She wipes the last of the tears from her eyes and offers a soft smile. “Stevie loves you, Baz. She may have terrible taste in fashion, and we definitely have our differences—and also, what is going on with that hair? Seriously. But… but I’ve never doubted how much she cares about you. And you’re obviously in it to win it with her, so if I were you, I’d commence the throwing-oneself-upon-her-feet thing as soon as possible. Witches like Stevie don’t come around more than once in a lifetime.”
“Carly. Did you just… did you say something decent about Stevie?” I crack a smile. “Now I know the world is ending.”
“If you tell her, I’ll deny it.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
She returns my smile, and in her eyes, something softens.
An understanding passes between us.
Everything about this day has sucked.
But this… She brought a little light back in.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Yeah, yeah. Go talk to your girl, jerk-off.” She glances down again at the breathing corpse she once called her mother, her lip curling. “I’ve got a few things I need to get off my chest here.”
“As much as I’d love to go talk to my girl, I don’t love the idea of leaving you alone down here. You sure you’re okay with her?”
“I’m not that little girl you found crying in the basement anymore.” She kicks the edge of the cot, jolting Janelle back into consciousness. “And this bitch is about to learn that lesson too.”
“Right. So, not to rain on your badass parade, but you literally just talked me out of killing her.”
“Maybe I just didn’t want you to have all the fun.”
“Carly—”
“Goddess, drama king. I’m not going to kill her.” She heads to the supply table, selecting a few choice ingredients from the remaining stash and dropping them into one of the empty potion bottles. Then, swirling the contents until everything glows bright green, she grins and says, “Mommy Dearest and I are just going to have a little chat about boundaries.”
Nineteen
BAZ
After making Carly promise she won’t do anything crazy—at least, not the kind of crazy I was about to engage in—I go off in search of my girl, hoping like hell I can make things right. That I won’t fall apart before I get the chance. That I won’t fuck it up like I’ve done with everything that’s ever meant something to me in my whole damn life.
No pressure, dickhead.
But when I get back upstairs, she’s in the guest room with Ani, singing softly to him, encouraging him to come home. The sound of her sweet, off-key voice is enough to break my heart, but I leave her be, taking the opportunity to dump myself into a scalding hot shower.
She’s still with him when I finish, so I head outside for some air and a walk, clearing my head and burning off the last of the fury still smoldering in my gut.
When I return from the outing, she’s locked away in her bedroom with Kirin. After that, she’s on a video chat with Jessa, and I’m about thirty seconds from losing my damn mind. I drink a beer. I take another shower. Pace. Crawl up and down the damn walls.
Goddess, it’s all still such a jumble inside me, but one thing’s for sure—Carly’s right. I