into fresh anger, “he’s nowhere near the river. And even if he were, the realm is constantly shifting, constantly reforming. We could no more pinpoint his location than that of a lone pebble beneath the Towers of Breath and Blade. In fact, we’d probably have better luck with the latter.”
I yank my arm out of his grip and stand up. “That’s no reason not to try.”
“No?” Doc jumps to his feet, stepping right back into my space, towering over me. “Then here’s another one. You could die. All indications are that a death in this realm results in a death in our own—I can’t risk that.”
“So you’re willing to risk Ani’s life, but not mine?”
“The best thing we can do for Ani is to find our own way home so we can be there, alive and healthy, when he comes back to us.”
“Nice deflection.” I cross my arms over my chest, the cold settling into my bones once again. “We can’t just leave him here—not when we’re so close. We have to at least try, even if it means risking our lives. We took an oath, Doc. And more than that, I… I love him.”
“As. Do. I.” His eyes burn with ire, and he reaches for me again, grabbing my shoulders. “Damn it, Stevie. I would risk my own life without hesitation. For any one of you, over no more than a shred of a chance. But I’ll not risk yours. Searching for him here… It’s a fool’s errand. Deep down, you must know that.”
I glare at him, tears stinging my eyes even as the anger recedes from his.
“A fool’s errand is still an errand!” I say. “Forward momentum. Action. Something other than standing around sprinkling fairy dust and hoping against the odds he makes it back on his own.”
“Not action. A distraction. One that would give us the illusion of forward momentum while we chased our tails through this nightmare realm, abandoning the ones who need us most at a time when we’re all holding on by a gossamer thread.”
“But… I just… I can’t…” Words fail me, and my head drops low, tears spilling freely as the fire fades from my blood. He’s right, of course. He always is.
Doc slides his arms around me, and I lean into him, burying my face against his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, stroking my back. “I hate everything about this, not the least of which is telling you no when you’ve got your mind set on something.”
“And I hate that you’re always right.”
“Well, not always.” He pulls back, hooking a finger under my chin. Then, with a soft smile, “Ninety-nine percent of the time, perhaps. But not always.”
“Kirin says eighty-four percent of statistics are made up on the spot.”
“Not this one.” He dips his head, pressing a soft kiss to my mouth. “One hundred percent of the time, I will do what needs to be done to keep you safe. Even if it means you’ll hate me for it.”
It’s always been that way, I realize now. Not just for me, but with all the guys.
Each of us has our strengths, our charms, and our skills—magickal as well as mundane. But Doc is the one making the hard decisions. The one doing all the dirty work behind the scenes, saying all the things no one else has the balls to say, risking his very soul so the rest of us don’t have to.
His is a quiet and determined strength, fierce and unwavering, often unacknowledged.
And though he would never admit it, bearing the weight of our collective burdens costs him a little more of himself every day.
My heart fills with a deep love and admiration. I lay my hands against his chest and smile up at him, still marveling at the fact that I can touch him so freely now, so openly.
Through a soft smile, I whisper, “I could never hate you, Cassius Devane.”
He tries for a smile of his own, but it falters quickly, a familiar shame burning through his energy. Turning away from my touch, he shakes his head and says, “You don’t know me well enough to make a proclamation like that.”
“I may not know all your stories,” I say, reaching for his hand and pulling him back toward me. “Or your history. But I know your heart, Doc. That’s the one thing you can’t hide from me.”
He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my palm, whispering against my skin. “And that, my Star, may be our downfall.”
The sadness in