the pitch. “I called Kiran because you looked like you were dying and you wouldn’t talk to me.”
“You’re a snitch,” Zaf muttered.
“And when I was leaving,” Kiran interjected, “Fluffy told me that if you’re upset it’s probably because you’re in love with your fake girlfriend.”
“Your daughter,” Zaf said, “is also a snitch.”
“Or you’re just really obvious,” Jamal supplied.
Kiran pointed a finger at him. “You’re not helpful. Go and finish clearing up.” She hooked her arm through Zaf’s, which might have been awkward if they didn’t have years of experience navigating the height difference, and tugged him off down the field. “Let’s walk.”
“All right,” he sighed, leaving Jamal huffing indignantly behind them.
After a few strides and long moments of silence, she nudged Zaf in the ribs. “And talk. Let’s walk and talk.”
“About?” he asked dully, as if he didn’t know.
“Stop being annoying before I hit you with my bag again.”
Really, what were sisters even for?
Making you feel human when you’re teetering on the brink of abandoning your mortal name and moving into a box in the woods.
Well, yeah. There was that.
“This morning I told Dani I loved her. And she didn’t believe me.”
Kiran stared at him. “Oh. Oh, dear. How long have you two been dating for real?”
“Er . . . At that point, about twelve hours. Depending on your perspective.”
Kiran stared at him some more. Then she whacked him with her bag.
“Ow. What? I talked!”
“Let me guess. You sprang all the emotional stuff on her before she was ready, she reacted badly, and now you’re moping around like someone peed in your cereal.” Kiran threw up a hand, which contained the Bag of Terror, and Zaf tried not to flinch in response. “Men.”
“I know I messed up,” he said. Holy fuck, did he know. There were stones in his rib cage, burning coals in his belly, cement blocks set around his feet. He felt as if a part of him had been hacked raggedly away. The only thing keeping him upright was the knowledge that he’d weathered worse storms, and that he’d survive. That he’d always survive.
But that didn’t stop him fucking hurting.
“I don’t think she’s ever going to want the things I want,” he admitted, the words almost choking him. “She told me from the start, and I acted like I got it, but . . . Part of me hoped that if I showed her things could be good, she’d change her mind. And that’s just fucked up. Dani was the only one who could change her mind about us, and maybe she was going to, but I couldn’t give her the time she needed to do it.” He paused. “Or maybe she wasn’t changing her mind at all, and she only spent the night with me because Inez Holly told her to. One of those.”
Kiran’s eyebrows flew up. “I’m not entirely sure what that last part means, so I’m going to ignore it, if you don’t mind.”
“Wish I could ignore it,” he muttered. Trying didn’t work. The words haunted his mind again, and this time he noticed they were taking on the familiar, taunting cadence of an anxious fixation. He took a breath, and another. Kept talking, because sometimes that was the only way to untangle his own knots. “Bottom line is, I think I hurt her, going too far, too fast. And I definitely hurt myself. I don’t know if we can do this, and she’s positive we can’t, so . . . maybe that’s that.”
“Oh,” Kiran murmured after a while. “I see. I’m sorry, Zaf. I’m really sorry.”
“I know,” he said softly.
“Are you going to . . . talk to her?”
“I don’t know.” He wanted to. More than anything, he wanted to go after her and make everything right—because that’s what he was supposed to do. That’s how you got to a happily ever after. Except Zaf’s desire for a happily ever after, and his idea of how love was supposed to look, had pushed him into this mess. He thought for a moment longer, then shook his head. “I’ve chased her too hard for too long, and all that did was make her panic.” Zaf knew panic. He knew the squeeze of fear, knew the way it left you shaken and unsure of who you were, and he didn’t ever want to cause that feeling in someone he loved again. Just the idea made him physically sick. “I don’t know what else to do except leave her the fuck alone.”
“If you’ve overwhelmed her,” Kiran