was a tap at the door. They both turned to look as it slowly opened. Becca was standing there, shifting from foot to foot as a blush stole its way across her cheeks. “Um, Zoe’s asking about your mom. Logan’s taken Kim home, so I thought I’d take Zoe. I’ll stay with her, of course, until you get home.”
“No. I’ll go with her,” Van said tightly, nodding at Becca. “Can you tell her I’ll be down in a minute?”
Becca glanced from Van to Tanner. “Sure. Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine,” Tanner lied. “Thanks for taking care of Zoe.”
“Of course.” She gave them a brief smile, then pulled the door shut, her footsteps fading as they heard her descend the steps.
“I need to go,” Van said, pulling out of Tanner’s arms. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, leaving a smear of mascara beneath them, then grabbed her purse.
“I could come with you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I meant what I said. This –us– isn’t a good idea.”
“So that’s it?” His voice rose up. “We’re over, just like that.”
She pressed her lips together, looking down at the floor. “It’s better this way.” Her voice was devoid of emotion.
A red hot flash of fury rushed through him, curling through his stomach and burning his muscles. She really was doing this. Messing it all up again. He looked away, trying to swallow down the anger, but it rose up regardless.
She went to walk past him, but he refused to budge, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at her.
“Your walking away and saying it’s for my sake? That’s bullshit. It’s not about me. It’s about you. You’re scared of putting yourself out there. So frightened about what people think that you’d rather lose the good things in life than let yourself be put under scrutiny. So if you want to walk away, do it. But just so you know, I’ll never stop loving you.” And the thought of that almost broke him. “You might be scared,” he told her, his voice raised even louder. “But I’m not. And I’m not afraid to tell you that you’re breaking my goddamn heart right now.”
Her fingers curled around the doorknob, her eyes full of tears as she looked back at him. “I’m sorry.”
Then she was gone, and he was ready to collapse. He steadied himself on the desk because he was afraid that without it he might fall.
He’d lost her once, ten years ago, and he hadn’t known pain like it. But this was worse, so much worse. Because this time he had no idea how they’d ever come back from this.
Chapter Thirty
“Is Mom okay?” Zoe whispered. Van had found her waiting with Becca at the bottom of the office steps. As soon as she saw her, Van hugged her tightly, her legs still shaking from her confrontation with Tanner.
“She’ll be fine once she sleeps it off. She always is.”
Zoe looked up, her face masked with worry. “Do you think there’s something wrong with her?”
Nothing a month in rehab couldn’t fix. Van bit down that thought, because she knew it was cruel. Even though everything felt cruel right now, somehow she had to keep it together for Zoe. “She had a bad day. With the letter she got this morning, then seeing that man.”
“Mr. Fairfax?”
“Yeah, him. I think it sent her a little over the edge. But she’ll be okay, kiddo. She has us.”
“Is Mr. Fairfax really your dad?” Zoe asked as they walked to Becca’s car. She’d offered to drive them home, and Van had gratefully accepted. The way her hands were trembling she wasn’t sure she’d be able to hold the wheel of her own car. Becca promised that one of them would drop it off and put the keys through her door in the morning.
Becca unlocked her car and let them climb inside. It felt weird to hear who her dad was, because neither one of them had ever known. The thought that Johnny might be hers made Van’s stomach lurch.
“I don’t know,” Van told her. “And buckle up.”
“I am.” Zoe took a deep breath. “Is he my dad, too?”
“No sweetheart.” Van squeezed her hand. “He’s not.” Zoe’s dad was one of a few guys her mom had been seeing the summer Van was eighteen. Luckily none of them were Johnny Fairfax. Like Van, Zoe had just accepted the fact she didn’t have a father. Van hoped this didn’t shake her up too much.
She’d worry about that later.