impression you have everything under control, that nothing really affects you. You’ve loved and lost before, and you remember how broken you felt afterwards. You vowed to do everything to never feel like that again.”
I reached for his hands and it was as if the world disappeared. We weren’t sitting at the bar of a bustling restaurant, plates and glasses clinking all around us. We were in our own world, our own universe. A universe that circled around him.
“You love your family and would do anything for them. That’s why you took that assignment. You had wandered listlessly through life, unable to figure out what your passion truly was. You tried a little bit of everything, even joined the navy to forget the past. When this assignment was brought to you, you thought it was your chance. You wanted to prove to your brother that you were capable of doing something right. You wanted to make him proud of you, but you never expected to be faced with having to decide between your family and a woman you had just met. Maybe if you had talked to her about it, had been open and honest with her, she would have understood.”
“I doubt that,” he said, pulling his hands from mine and avoiding my gaze. “Anyway, if I told her, it would have blown my cover.” He returned his attention to the drink in front of him, playing with the cherry once more.
“But didn’t your cover get blown anyway?” I pushed.
“Yes, but–”
“So you had nothing to lose.” Placing my hand on his leg, I tried to comfort him. “If you had been honest with her, if you helped her see everything from where you were standing, she would have said those words you’re so desperate to hear right now.” A lone tear fell down my cheek, the connection between us more intense than any other interaction we’d had since we met.
“And what’s that?”
“That I understand and I forgive you.” Raising my hand to his face, I cupped his cheek, reveling in the feeling of his stubble on my hand. I studied the anguish he tried to mask with his forceful demeanor and hesitated. No matter how much I didn’t think I could ever forgive him for how he had deceived me, I was wrong. His mother’s wise words rang true. We didn’t forgive people because they deserved it. We forgave because they needed it, and if anyone was in need of forgiveness so they could move on, the suffering man sitting next to me was. “Tyler…” I took a deep breath. “I understand and forgive you.”
“You do?” he asked. I could hear the surprise in his voice. “You don’t have to say that for my benefit. I know we have a lot to work through–”
“Yes, we do, but I finally see everything from where you stood, Tyler. For the longest time, I refused to do that, despite everyone telling me I needed to. I was so angry with you and wanted to hate you, as difficult as it was. But listening to your side, finally listening, it made me put myself in your shoes. I know this assignment got out of hand for you. You weren’t expecting to fall for me.”
“No,” he agreed. “I certainly wasn’t. I hated myself for what I had to do to you, especially once I met you. That first night, when I finally felt you, I couldn’t sleep. All I saw whenever I closed my eyes was your face, the tears I would cause when you found out I used you. Then something entirely unexpected happened.”
“What was that?”
“I stopped being the Tyler persona I developed to make you fall for me and started to show you the real me.”
“I know,” I admitted. “I finally realized that last night when I was reading your journal.”
He nodded. “I don’t know why. I didn’t want you to just know the deceptive me. I wanted you to know the real me.”
“And I do,” I said, running my fingers through his hair. Leaning my forehead on his, I closed my eyes. This moment was so much more than I expected. Words couldn’t accurately convey the depth of emotion I was feeling from being back in a place that once held painful memories of what I thought to be my biggest mistake. Now I had a new memory…a happier one. I was so grateful Tyler knew enough to realize I needed this.
Lost in the moment, I instantly felt an emptiness. Flinging my