that we did know each other, but there was nothing. Photos had been manipulated on my phone so he was no longer in any of them. Not one trace of his existence in my life was left. I couldn’t help but think I made it all up! Even after all the assurances my friends had given me that he was real, that he did exist, I still questioned it. Until…”
I stopped in my tracks, my hand settling on my stomach. “Until I found out I was pregnant. This is the only proof I have that I’m not fucking crazy and I hate it. I hate that he lied to me. I hate that he did this to me. But mostly…” I fell onto the couch, finding my way into her nurturing arms. “Mostly I hate that I miss him. I hate that I told him to stay away and he listened. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about him. And I hate that I think I still love him, even though I’ll never be able to trust him again.”
“Shhh,” she soothed, kissing the top of my head like my own mother used to do. “It’s going to be okay. He went after you, ya know.”
I pulled out of her arms and stared at her. “What do you mean?”
“He tried to stop you at the airport, but couldn’t get to you in time. Hours later, I found him sitting on a bench along the Charles River. I watched him for a good twenty minutes before I approached him. You know what he was doing the entire time?”
I studied her through the tears in my eyes. “What?” I asked, almost nervous to know the answer, fearful it would cause an overwhelming feeling of regret.
“He was staring at the most beautiful diamond ring I’ve ever seen.”
I gasped, the memory of that weekend rushing back. “He asked me to marry him right before the dedication dinner,” I whispered. “I said I didn’t want a ring…”
“I taught my boys better than that.” Colleen smiled, then sobered. “But I must confess, I feel partly responsible for why you haven’t heard from him.”
“Why is that?” I wiped at the tears on my cheeks.
“I’ve been where you are. I’ve been hurt by the one person I thought I loved. I told my own husband to get out and stay out of my life.”
“And did he?” I was desperate for advice from someone who’d been where I was and could sympathize with what I was going through.
“He did,” she recalled. “He gave me the space I needed in order to realize my life sucked without him.”
I laughed at her words.
“At first, Tyler didn’t want to give up without a fight, but he decided to give you the space you needed in order for your heart to heal. He took a humanitarian assignment in Sudan that was only supposed to last a few weeks. As far as I know, he’s still there, helping refugees have a better life, trying to dampen the pain he’s caused you.” She grabbed my hands in hers as I fought to control my emotions. “I know Tyler. He’s a bit of a lost soul. When he hurts someone, he physically feels that pain. He wears it. He carries it as he would his own. He’s probably struggling with his guilt and is taking this time to learn to find meaning in it.”
“I still don’t understand why he hasn’t called or anything.”
“And what would you do if he did? Is this really something that could be settled with a simple phone call?”
I shook my head slightly.
“Mackenzie, darling, his absence from your life right now is giving you space to figure out what you do want. Even though he’s my son and I will always support him, I also know he hurt you. That’s not something which can be easily forgotten. He’s working on forgiving himself right now. When he’s ready, he’ll be back. Just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“When Tyler comes back, and he will come back for you, keep your heart open.” She raised herself from the couch and headed toward the front door.
“But how am I going to believe a word that comes out of his mouth after everything?” I asked, following her.
“Sometimes, Mackenzie,” she began, spinning around and grabbing my hands in hers, “the most meaningful thoughts can’t be communicated with words. Don’t listen to what comes out of his mouth. Listen to his heart. Then you’ll know.” She enveloped me in