to be the first one to make contact because he’s a guy. And then get mad if he doesn't.” She shakes her head.
I’m speechless for a moment and silence stretches across us. My mind going in a totally different direction. Away from Ryan and me. My eyes go wide. “Did you contact your guy?”
“Beckett? Maybe.” She presses her lips together before she bursts into laughter. It’s loud, free, and passionate. Exactly like my best friend. I miss it. I miss her.
“Really?” She hasn’t mentioned him again, not since she told me she’d finally found his business card when she’d unpacked the last moving box.
“Yeah. He travels a lot for business. His company has a branch here in London too.”
“They do? What does that mean for you and him?”
Tara chuckles. "Not much. We’ve talked once or twice, that’s all. He’s coming out my way next month and we might get together. Nothing big.”
“I’d say that’s big.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Oh my gosh. You didn’t just say that.”
We stare at each other for two seconds before we both burst into laughter. I hold my belly when it starts hurting. I needed this. It feels good to forget everything and laugh with my best friend.
Tara wipes an errant tear from the corner of her eyes. “That was a good one.”
I nod, chuckling and sniffling at the same time. “It was.” I pause. “So you’re going to see him again?”
She lifts her shoulders. “Probably. I mean, the sex was amazing, and we’re both single, so why not? I’m focused on my job here, and while I wouldn’t mind some friends to hang out with, I’m not looking for anything serious. Beckett visiting every few months sounds pretty perfect to me if you know what I mean.”
This is Tara. Easy, outgoing, fun.
The opposite of what I feel like right now.
She leans closer to the camera, smirking. "Are you going to hook up with Ryan again?"
"What?" A piece of popcorn gets stuck in my throat and I cough. I gulp down half of my juice before I feel like I can talk again. "Why would you ask something like that?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. We were talking about Beckett and me hooking up again, and since you and Ryan met the same night as Beckett and I did, I wondered."
Huh. Hooking up with Ryan again?
My body grows warm, my mind jumping back to New Year's. How it felt to be with him. How wanted and beautiful every single one of his touches had made me feel. The way he looked at me. How he seemed almost as desperate to be with me, to be inside me, as I felt to be with him.
Sure, Ryan is handsome and sexy, and our chemistry is off the charts, or at least it was, but I haven't really thought about it much since I found out about the pregnancy. That had smothered every other thought, using up every last piece of my brain.
"Have you really not thought about it until now?"
I shake my head. "Not really."
"Well, he'd be the perfect guy for sure, considering he already knocked you up."
Her nonchalant delivery makes me chuckle.
"He did, didn’t he?" My hand goes to my belly, something that's been happening more often this week. Even though I can’t feel anything on the inside or outside, it’s become an almost compulsive motion. Would it be a total mood killer for Ryan? He could have any girl, so would he still find me attractive? Maybe to look at, but perhaps the idea of his baby in my stomach would be a huge turnoff. It’s hard to tell. But would I say no if he was interested? That brings a smile to my face, so obviously that’s a negative.
"Any news on the job front?"
There goes my brief good mood. "Not really. I applied at a bunch of companies but haven't heard back from anyone."
"Something will pop up eventually. I'll keep my eyes out too."
"Thanks. I feel like I need to find something soon or no one will hire me as I get bigger. They’ll know I’m going to have to take off some time later this year."
"Have you thought about what you want to do?" She shoots me a meaningful look. "I mean after the baby is born?"
Only day and night.
How could I not? My life is going to change. Utterly and completely. I'll be responsible for a human being. I need to provide for it with everything it needs.
Crap.
I rub one of my eyes. "No clue."
Tara's