want to hug him.
I knew it. He is a good guy.
I’m glad my instincts were right about him, but right now it almost feels like it makes this scenario even more complicated.
“Well, I better get going, then.” I get up too fast, again, and Ryan’s hand grabs my elbow to steady me when I fail to do so myself.
“Careful. I think one hospital visit was enough for today.”
I almost forgot about my little stunt this morning. My brain is such a mess that the discomfort from my injuries has been shoved to the back of my brain. I’m sure I’ll feel it more tomorrow.
An awkward chuckle comes out of my mouth, and I bite my lip to refrain from groaning. “Very true.”
We do a weird shuffle where I try to get out of the seating arrangement with Ryan still holding on to me. We probably look ridiculous, but I might as well add that to my how-can-I-make-my-life-even-more-awful list.
Our goodbye is uneventful. No touching, no kissing, nothing. A half-wave and the promise to stay in touch. I promised him I’d text him my flight because he said he wants to make sure I make it home safely.
Once I turn out of his street, I pull over to the side of the road to cry.
What I cry for, I’m not sure. Everything and nothing. Myself, Ryan, and our baby. The mess I’ve gotten myself into, the life that lies in my future.
When I’m all dried up, I put on my sunglasses after a horrifying look in the rearview mirror, and drive to my dad’s house.
It feels as though another chapter of my life has closed, which I know is absurd. But something apart from looks attracted me to Ryan that night. I’m not a one-night-stand girl, so I don’t believe I would have just slept with any hot guy for the sake of it. For a moment there, that night, I’d felt treasured again. Listened to. Wanted. And now, even that’s gone. Well, at least my baby will know who his or her dad is, so I can be thankful for that.
“Are you sure you have to go back home already? You know you’re welcome to stay. Sharon and I are happy to have you here.” My dad leans against the doorjamb, watching me pack the few things I brought.
I stop and walk to him. “I know. But Mrs. Zimmerman said she needs me to take back Bacon. Apparently, he’s been causing havoc at her place.”
Another lie. Ugh, I suck.
“Hmmm.” My dad’s bushy eyebrows pull together, and I can’t tell if he believes me or not. “Fine. But I’ll rearrange some of my schedule so I can drive you to the airport at least.”
There’s no way I’ll argue with him about this. If he wants to drive me to the airport, so be it. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Of course, honey. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod, knowing I won’t be able to fully lie my way out of this. “I’m drained from the last few months, that’s all.”
“I know. Is there anything we can do to help?” He closes the distance between us and gives me a side hug.
“Not really. Just kind of have to get through it now, I guess.” That’s a way to look at it. If he only knew.
Then tell him.
But I can’t. I will have to eventually of course, but not yet.
“You’ve got this. I’m always just a phone call away.” He kisses my forehead. “Any news on the job front?”
“No. I’ve been applying for a bunch of administration and finance jobs, so hopefully something will work out.”
“They’d be stupid not to take you.” He squeezes my shoulder before stepping away.
“Thanks.” I give him a shaky smile, trying not to think about what this pregnancy will mean for my future.
What if I find a job soon? Will I even have health insurance and benefits before I have the baby? What happens after the baby is born? The thought of having a baby only to leave it in daycare all day long breaks my heart. How do moms do this? To have a baby just to be away from it for most of the day.
I plop down on the bed in a huff, and my dad rushes to my side, the mattress dipping when he sits down next to me.
“Hey. What’s going on, Harper?” The look on his face is gentle, but I saw the quick flash of panic in his eyes.
Tell him. Tell him.
But the words don’t come.
Ryan said he