in engineering, didn’t you? You’ll be able to get a great job. Won’t he, Earl? He’ll be making the big bucks.” She smiled. “You’ve done good.”
Oh, sure. Now, she was proud. Now that she was seeing dollar signs in her future again.
I tensed. “I don’t know yet where I’ll end up.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course you’ll come home.”
The trailer felt claustrophobic. Despite living here for most of my life, it didn’t feel like home. Mom and Earl didn’t feel like family so much as … weight pressing down on me.
I’d come here to face my demons, but so far all I’d done is dance around them. Taking a breath, I ripped off the Band-Aid.
“I’ve been staying away from here on purpose.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I didn’t want the guilt trips. The same ones I get in every letter.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out her most recent one — five pages of subtle manipulation; really, my mother should have a master’s degree on the topic.
Rage blazed in her eyes. “I don’t guilt you. If you feel guilt over the way you abandoned your family—”
“I left to go to school. Most parents would be proud!”
“Oh, you were eager to leave us. You hate this life. You probably hate us.” Her voice broke, and I could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. Goddamn, but she was so good at this. Maybe she even had herself fooled. But I couldn’t let myself fall for it, even if it did make me feel heartless.
There was one sure way to end this.
“I don’t know what my future holds,” I said in a shaky voice, “but I’m seeing someone, and he has a few more years left of school, so I probably won’t be home. I could visit on holidays if —”
“He?”
There it was. The horrified tone that would set me free.
“Yeah, Mom, I have a boyfriend. And wherever I end up, it’ll be with him.”
Tense silence swept in, the calm before the storm. I spoke quickly before my mother could decimate me.
“I’m bisexual, and I love him, and he’s my future. Not you. You’re my parents, and I love you, and I hope — I really do hope — we can have a relationship, but I can’t promise to come back and take care of you.”
“We don’t need you to take care of us,” Mom sneered. “Just go on and run off and be selfish. We’re used to it. You live your life, and we’ll happily live ours. I don’t judge; I leave that up to the Lord. I just hope you find your way before it’s too late.”
That hurt. But it was almost a relief. I had permission to leave this time, permission to live my life, even if it was caustic and resentful.
I swallowed hard, my heart aching.
It was one thing to know your family took advantage, and it was another to have them dismiss you from their lives. I wanted freedom, but I also wanted love. Maybe there was no way to have both.
“Call me if you change your mind,” I choked out before fleeing out the door.
I was in the middle of the street before Earl caught up with me. “Ace! Wait up.”
I turned, wary of taking more abuse. “I should get going,” I said tensely.
He lifted a hand as if to pat my shoulder, then dropped it to his side. “Give your mom some time. She’ll come around. You know how hot her temper can be.”
“I do.”
“You did good, earning a college degree. I’m real proud of you. Take care, all right?”
A little stunned, I nodded. Earl rarely interfered, letting my mother take the lead in “parenting.” Though I hadn’t missed the fact that he waited until we were outside, with no chance of her overhearing.
When I reached the car, Jeremy was leaning against the hood, talking with Enrique, from across the street.
“Hey, man,” he said, reaching out to slap my arm.
“Hey. How’s it going?”
“Good, good. Just back on holiday, you know. I’ve been at school. My mom is missing me like crazy. I had to get out here, get away from the smothering.”
“That’s cool,” I said. Enrique’s mom worked her tail off to take care of him and his brothers. She was a hugger; Jeremy and I had both experienced firsthand the squeeze of love Enrique’s mama liked to deliver to boys she thought needed it.
Jeremy straightened. “We gotta get back. I’m starving. Good to see you, Enrique. Tell your mom