the food was on the table. Jeremy had already dug in, but he seemed calmer when I retook my seat.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked.
“I should have. I know I owe you a lot for getting me out of that trailer park, getting me into school, and bailing me out more times than I can count.”
Jeremy scoffed. “That has nothing to do with it. We’re friends, and you kept me in the dark. That’s what pisses me off. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Benji wanted to be the one to talk to you,” I said. “I … sort of owed him that.” Grimacing, I admitted, “He wasn’t thrilled when he first learned I was the secret admirer. I mean, ultimately, he realized it came from a good place. But at first he thought it was just … I don’t know, pity? The whole reason I did it is because Benji never took me at my word. I could have handed him that gift and note and said, ‘I really like you,’ and he would have said, ‘Thanks, Ace, but you don’t have to pretend. A-plus for effort, though.’ ”
“So you had to grovel,” Jeremy said.
I couldn’t hold back a smile. “Only a little. He wasn’t too hard on me.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Spare me the details on all that.”
I chuckled. If Jeremy was pretending to be annoyed, he was coming around.
We finished our meal in relative silence. I got the feeling Jeremy was still processing the truth and trying to decide how to feel about it.
I let him be, turning my attention to the delicious, homestyle meatloaf on Texas toast with fried onions and melty cheese. Jeremy was wolfing down his food like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. I was going more slowly, but with reverence.
“Mmm.” Jeremy took a big gulp of his beer. “Fuck, that’s good.”
“Mm-hmm.” I swallowed, popped a couple of fries into my mouth. “Only one better is your mom’s.”
“Word.”
I’d eaten at Jeremy’s house more than a few times growing up. Otherwise, I wouldn’t really know what “homestyle” meant. My own mother was more of a Hamburger Helper or canned soup kind of cook. That was partly because our oven never worked, just the stovetop, and partly because the refrigerator was rarely stocked well enough for making full meals.
“So,” Jeremy said after clearing most of his plate, “do you love him?”
I sat down my sandwich. “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I do.”
“It’s really serious.”
“Yes.”
“Are you … gay?” he asked tentatively.
“Bisexual.”
He nodded once, apparently satisfied with that answer, and picked up his beer to finish it off.
“Did Benji, uh, mention me coming to Thanksgiving?” I asked.
Jeremy choked on his beer, spluttering, and I pushed a stack of napkins toward him. Wiping his face, he said, “You’re actually coming home?”
“Yeah, it’s time.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You must love him. I could never get you to come back, even for a quick visit.”
I winced, hoping this wasn’t going to turn into a competition between the brothers. Jeremy had tried for years to persuade me to come home with him, enjoy some home-cooked food, and just avoid my parents. But I’d always known that if I was there, I wouldn’t be able to resist the siren call of my mother. The guilt would compel me to check in on them, and then they’d pump me full of the same old poisonous crap. They’d try to extract money from me, or promises, or just use me as their verbal punching bag.
So I hadn’t gone.
“It’s time to face them. I can’t hide forever.”
Jeremy nodded. “So tomorrow, it’s you, me, and Benji in a car together for two and a half hours.”
“Yeah, that won’t be awkward or anything.”
He laughed, and I took it as a good sign. Jeremy wasn’t spewing supportive words my way, but he wasn’t telling me our friendship was over or asking me to stop seeing Benji.
I’d take a little uncomfortable tension if it meant that in the end I could keep both my best friend and my boyfriend.
18
Benji
I stood in the parking lot, shivering in jeans and my black hoodie, trying not to wonder just how pissed Ace might be with me. My brother had returned late the night before, just long enough to grab his suitcase and tell me he was going to crash at the frat. When I’d texted Ace, I’d got only a vague answer when I asked if everything was okay.
We just all need time.
We all need time? Did that mean