seem more…I don’t know. Fearless?”
“I didn’t exaggerate. I was a thrill seeker, too. But with Zev nothing seemed scary. He was full of confidence and always watching out for me, and that made me feel indestructible. But after Tory died and he left, I found out I wasn’t.”
A familiar wave of sadness moved through her. It had gotten far less painful over the years, but until now it had still possessed the power to drag her under. When that awful feeling didn’t come, she realized it was because she and Zev had finally confessed all of their heartaches and fears, their secrets and regrets, and their disappointments in themselves and in each other. She didn’t know if he was right or wrong thinking that she might have ended up hating who he was and changing who she was because of it if he had stayed in Pleasant Hill. They would never know for sure. But at least now she understood that he thought he’d been protecting her, and even though it hurt, that was who he’d always been. In fact, it was who they’d always been. Wasn’t that why she’d never tracked him down after the miscarriage? To protect him from pain that couldn’t change the outcome? With those realizations came a renewed sense of freedom. This time she didn’t feel as confused as she had just hours earlier. She felt an increased sense of wellness that she hadn’t known she was missing.
Were there other things she was missing that she wasn’t aware of? She thought about what Zev had said about the adventure seeker in her showing up last night at the park, and she wondered if he was right.
“Birdie, do you think it’s possible that I still have that thrill seeker in me?”
Birdie tapped the top of the extinguisher and said, “That’s a tough question, because a true thrill seeker would have been playing hide-and-seek between the sheets this morning with that gorgeous man who is doing everything possible to get your attention.”
Carly couldn’t stop a soft laugh from coming out and shook her head. “I’m being serious.”
“So was I,” Birdie exclaimed.
“Birdie!”
“Okay, fine. Did you really used to do all the things you told me you did when we first met?”
“Yes, and more. We went cliff diving, skydiving, parasailing…” Long-forgotten excitement bubbled up inside her as she rattled off the things she and Zev had done together. “We skied, hiked, camped out. We had bonfires on the beach and made up warrior dances in the moonlight. We were crazy.” She laughed and said, “There wasn’t much we didn’t do. During the summers we went on archaeological digs with the archaeology club to Mexico, Spain, Canada…”
“Wow, and I thought the days you wore your hair down instead of in braids or a ponytail, you were being adventurous.” Birdie waggled her finger and said, “Actually, you’ve worn your hair down for two days in a row. Yeah, I think you do have an adventurous spirit buried deep inside you somewhere. But listen, if you don’t want to go to the falls with Zev, I totally have your back. I’ll grab my bikini and take your place.”
“Can you stop, please?”
Birdie giggled. “But it’s so fun to tease you. You’re always so in control and organized. I like seeing you a little bit more of a hot mess like me. You should go to the falls. Have fun. Quinn will be here at five, so we’ve got the place covered.”
“Really?” She was getting more excited, and nervous, by the second. “There’s one other thing that worries me. Two, actually. You know how when you were a kid, you felt indestructible?”
“No, because I always had my brothers hovering over me like I’d break if someone looked at me wrong.”
“Well, I never had that, but I’m almost thirty, and I know the truth. No one is indestructible. I’ve kept up my deep-sea diving skills when I go home to visit in the warmer months, but—”
“You have? Well, thanks for cluing in your bestie. Maybe I would have liked to try that with you one day. Oh wait,” she said sarcastically. “I couldn’t have because I didn’t know you had those skills.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not like I was trying to hide it. I don’t go out on group dives or anything. It’s just something I do for myself.” A way of holding on to my memories with Zev. Whoa. That came as a surprise, but she realized it was true. She and Zev really had