that’s one thing, but when three of them do it, you need to start wondering if it’s you.”
I gaped at her. “What? Mom, I don’t mean to do that.” But her words got to me. Was I really so like Micah or Eli? Dobbs had gotten through to them. Even to Micah, which was, honestly, the first time I’d seen anyone connect with Micah in any way outside of our family. Dobbs had gotten through to them—and he’d gotten through to me too.
I looked up. “I never wanted to hurt you or Dad. That’s why I haven’t wanted to talk to you about…stuff. You have enough to worry about with the twins. You don’t need me piling it on.”
Her face grew serious. She threaded her fingers through mine. “Well, it’s obviously hurting you a great deal not to tell me. And that hurts me so much. So…I really think you need to talk to me, Jesse. Please? For both our sakes.”
She sounded so sincere, so plaintive. It made me want to tell her everything. The words had been pushing at my lips for so many years. I desperately wanted to let them go. It was like water, pressing against a dam, and suddenly, there was a break in that dam. A tiny chink where a rivulet of water seeped through. I couldn’t look at her, so I stared out the window at the snowy fields, and the dam broke. “I’m gay.”
There was a sharp intake of breath. “Oh.”
She sounded shocked, but I couldn’t force myself to look at her until her hand clenched my arm.
“That’s what you’ve been holding onto all this time?”
I nodded, my chest tight.
The voice that came from behind me ran through me like an electric shock.
“So?” It was my dad’s gruff voice.
I whipped around in my chair to see my father standing in the kitchen doorway. What did he mean? So, what happens now? So, I should leave the house and never come back? So, what did I expect them to do about my problems?
He took the three steps to the table and sat beside me. “So what?”
“What?” My mouth hung open, and even my mom looked surprised.
“You’ve got green eyes too. And when you laugh, sometimes you snort.” His stern face didn’t match his words, but then they seldom did with my dad.
“I do? I mean…what?”
“When you brought that friend home, I thought you’d finally settled down and would tell us, but you didn’t, even though a blind squirrel could see how you two looked at each other.”
All the unsaid words caught in my throat, spilled from my eyes, and slid down my cheeks. “Y-you knew?”
He grinned. Not an expression we saw too often on Dad’s face. “Well, I might’ve been a blind squirrel, but I finally cleared the manure out of my eyes.” He wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb.
I wiped my sleeve over my face. “And-and you don’t care? I thought you’d hate it.”
A big crease popped between his brows. “Jesse, who the hell gives me the right to judge how any person is, much less my son? I helped give you life, but I don’t own it. I’ve loved you since the second you were born, and you are who you are. If there’s one thing your brothers have taught me is people are unique. There’s no rule of thumb. You’ve got to appreciate the good stuff and receive every blessing with joy. You’ve always been a blessing.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I dissolved in my father’s arms, but it sure felt good this time.
My mom just kept patting me. She lifted my hand and kissed it, then said, “But it sounds like you’ve made a mess, Jesse. Was it…was it Dobbs you hurt?”
I raised my face enough to nod.
She pressed a warm hand against my back. “You’ve spent way too long convincing yourself that you had to be someone you’re not. It’s time to be who you are, clean up your mess, and make amends if you need to.”
I sat back from my dad’s arms and blinked. I sure had underestimated my parents. Who the hell else was I not giving a chance?
My mom smiled. “Search your heart. You know exactly what to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dobbs
We took two cars to Chicago for sectionals. I was with the division one team in Jax’s SUV—me up front while Jax drove, and Sai and Felix in the back. I tried very hard not to think and not to feel. It didn’t