was easy enough to think of ways to debate his points, but that was a cop out. I tried to make myself back up and look at it from his point of view. I’d seen his small town. The farm. His dad…I had no idea how his dad would react. He obviously wouldn’t love the idea, but he seemed like a decent guy overall. He loved his wife and his kids. I was pretty sure Jesse’s mom would be supportive.
But there was that sense of everyone in the family having one focus—the twins.
And the town? Would the town keep a shrine to Jesse in the general store if they knew he was gay? Probably not. Would the townspeople give his folks a hard time?
Eli and Micah probably wouldn’t understand. Or care.
“In a couple of years,” Jesse went on, “I’ll be working as a nurse somewhere, hopefully somewhere not too far away from home. I’ll be earning my own money. The boys will be older, and my parents will hopefully have a little more time and…and mental space to deal. It’ll be easier all the way around to tell them then,” Jesse reasoned.
I thought about how much Jesse helped his parents with the twins. The way his mom and dad looked at him like he was the rock.
I understood, but probably not in the way that Jesse intended.
“You don’t want to cause waves,” I said. “Don’t want to give your parents anything to worry about.”
He nodded. “Exactly.”
“Because it’s Eli and Micah who get all the attention, cause all the upset. And you’re the perfect one—the one who’s quiet and nice and just helps all the time.” I sighed softly. “You know, you have a right to have issues and expect support from your parents too.”
He blinked at me and frowned. “That’s not…I mean….Of course, I want to help my parents. But that’s not the point.”
“Isn’t it?” I thought maybe it was. But after I’d pushed him at the library, I certainly wasn’t going to do that again. “Okay. I hear you.”
“I mean, the scholarship.…If I don’t finish my degree, I’ve got nothing.” His eyes pleaded with me to see the logic in that. And I did.
“It’s okay,” I said quietly. “Like I said, you don’t have to justify anything to me, Jesse. You do what you need to do. I’m on your side. I mean it. Okay? I’d like to…I mean…I hope we can be friends.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “Friends is good.” Chewing his lip, he stared at his feet, then burst out, “But I want you!” His eyes widened as if he couldn’t believe what he’d said. I saw him swallow.
I stared at him. He stared back for long minutes.
“Like…now?” I finally asked. Then felt my face heat. I’d meant, did he still like me now, still, even after the whole library debacle. But it sounded like I was asking if he wanted to fuck me right this minute. I couldn’t hold back a chuckle at myself.
Jesse smiled too. “Like…yes?” He was teasing me.
“No, but seriously. You want me?” I asked in disbelief. Because he was Jesse Goddamn Knox.
He nodded and looked a little shy. “I always thought you were hot. Even before the dean’s office thing.”
“You did?” Holy shit. “Isn’t that against the ALA rules?”
He grinned. “Yeah. They’d probably kick me out if they knew.”
I licked my lips. “Wow. Okay. So…”
“It’s okay,” Jesse said hurriedly. “I’m not asking you to…I mean. We don’t have to…” But despite his protests, his eyes seared me with longing.
And then it hit me that he’d been closeted, probably denying himself much of an outlet. Was he a virgin? Even if not, it had probably been a while. The idea of all that pent-up passion waiting to burst free…that was so goddamn sexy.
“We could though,” I practically purred.
He licked his lips and glanced at the door. “Well. We are stuck in this hotel room together. All night. Though I suppose we should practice.”
Oh God. He was right. We should practice.
I felt like Solomon when he was asked which mother got the baby. On the one hand, we had a critical meet tomorrow—Jesse’s first. And I loved Quiz Bowl! It was my jam. But on the other hand, there was the possibility of getting down and dirty with Jesse Knox. Right now.
No. Contest.
I guess that answered the perennial question of whether intellect or libido ruled the roost in Chez Dobbs.
I crossed the space between us in one lustful beat of my heart. I