to my cleavage-baring neckline. “Can I trust you?”
Her sigh tugs at my heart. “Cora. You know you can trust me. What is spoken here stays between us. I won’t even tell Max.” She pretends to zip her lips shut for good measure.
I inhale a deep breath. “Blaine and I… well… we did it. A few weeks ago.”
A tiny cough bursts from her throat. “You did it?”
Despite the chill, my blood turns to liquid heat as my cheeks flush. “Yes, we had sex.”
“You didn’t!”
Emotion bleeds through me as my mind drifts back to that night and everything it was and wasn’t. Why is it such a revelation for every single person I know to act flabbergasted when I tell them what happened?
A flicker of regret curls inside me. “Yes, we did.”
Sue-Ann reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze. “Cora, that’s wonderful. I always knew there was something between the two of you. And now it’s out in the open. You’re here tonight. Blaine’s here too. I’m not sure what’s wrong and why you felt you had to get all dolled up for me and Max?”
I feel like I have a wrecking ball sitting on my lungs. “That’s just it. It wasn’t wonderful.”
She knits her brows together. “It wasn’t?”
“No. In fact, it was awful.” After I say the words, a sob tears free from my throat and I hide my face in my hands. “And he hasn’t talked about it since. He’s been avoiding me. It’s because I’m normal and plain. I’m a stupid grade school teacher. All Blaine’s girls—they look like this version of me.” I take my hand away only long enough to sweep my body with it. “Not the real me who wears t-shirts and yoga pants and Converse and scarves she knits herself. Blaine doesn’t want that girl. And if he wants this, I don’t know if I want him. Sue-Ann, I’m so confused.”
“First of all, you’re gorgeous. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing leggings and a t-shirt or a skin-tight dress and stilettos. It’s what’s inside that counts, and obviously, Blaine likes all of you or he wouldn’t have slept with you. I know it’s hard with all the floozies hanging around, trying to get in your man’s pants. Hell, how do you think I feel being older than Max? I keep thinking his head is going to be turned by someone without wrinkles and stretch marks. But in the end, I have to be confident in our love… in what we’ve built together, and now the family we’re about to have. Those girls—those gold diggers and whores without a shred of self-esteem—they’re just empty shells clamoring to be filled.”
I sniffle and inhale. “I just wanted to be beautiful for the man. I wanted to look like one of them just this one time, so I didn’t have to feel like the ugly duckling quacking after Prince Charming. I wanted him to see me and no one else. We’re having the talk tonight. Oh, Sue-Ann, everything is on the line for us, and I just wanted to feel confident in my own skin for once. Does that make sense?”
She nods and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Of course, it does. That’s one of the great things about being a woman. We can play with our hair, makeup, and outfit to become someone else for a time. But in the end, what truly matters is who we are. Our qualities and what we value in this life. And Blaine admires how smart and independent you are as much as what’s on the outside. But if it will help for later, I think I have an idea.”
I blink and stare at her. Sue-Ann is everything I’m not, but everything I might want to be. She’s not only beautiful, but she’s also smart, funny, capable—the entire package. She’s an incredible wife already and she’s soon to be an incredible mother. “You… you’ll help me? I can’t have bad sex with Blaine again, Sue-Ann. Like I just can’t take it because it would mean my future has slipped away. I already feel like the world let me down. Everything I’ve wanted for decades finally came to me, but it was a glaring disappointment. I know I sound selfish. Gah, I just don’t know how to feel or what to do! But the one thing I do know? I can’t lose him.”
Her gaze tracks over my face. “It’s because you put too much pressure on it. It was