and give him a cardiac event.”
Ethel scoffs. “The man’s a professional athlete. I bet his ticker is in tip-top shape.”
Josie leans forward while I lean back. I wonder if I could make an escape to the restroom and just sit this game out before my face explodes from embarrassment. “Ethel thinks you should give the man a blow job, Cora.”
I won’t deny that I’ve thought about it, but not in public and not in the middle of geriatric bingo. I flinch and mark my card, hoping Josie gets distracted by something else.
As if she senses my immediate distress, Nana reaches under the table and gives my knee a squeeze. “You’ll figure it out, sweetie. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t worry about it and just let things shake out. And don’t let Josie and her oversharing bother you.”
“O-69.”
Josie almost catapults herself out of her seat. “OMG, did you hear that, Blanche? It’s your favorite number!”
Ethel turns that stroke-out shade of red that worries Louise. “For Pete’s sake, Josie, lower your voice before we get kicked out of here. You know how much I love bingo night.”
Roxie wags a finger. “Blanche’s favorite number, huh? Seems to me that you two are the ones droning on about crotches and tongue and fellatio.”
“Really, Rox? Are you really gonna begrudge an old broad a little fun? When did all of you get so uppity with the fellatio? Just call a blow job a blow job and keep it moving.”
“I got uppity when the bingo bitch posse started giving us the evil eye.”
“They can stick it where the sun don’t shine.” Josie throws her arms to the side so her bat wings jiggle. “I mean… this is a damn bar. With alcohol and food and people socializing. If they want silent bingo, they should head on out to Black Bear and play for the big bucks. They can sit in the non-smoking room and sip stale coffee and never speak.”
“Shhh!” The bingo bully points her finger at Josie, her ugly mug twisting into a mega-grimace.
Big mistake.
Big.
Josie whips out her dauber and grabs a pile of cocktail napkins. She makes a show of pounding her dauber into the folding table so hard it shakes on its metal legs. Then she catches sight of our server and even though she has a full drink, she puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles.
And not just any old whistle.
She sounds like a concierge at a Manhattan hotel flagging down a taxi for a CEO in the middle of a tornado.
The caller stops play immediately. “Do we have a bingo? Any bingos on G-47?”
Totally distracted, Louise finally looks down at her card. “I do! I have a bingo! I finally fucking have a bingo!”
A smile splits Josie’s face wide and with her dauber in one hand and her drink in the other, she flips the bully the bird. “Her name is Karma, bitch. Next time, slow your roll.”
Chapter Thirteen
Blaine
I punch a number in my contacts and wait until she picks up. “Is this the most gorgeous lady south of the Canadian border?”
Her husky laugh tickles my ears. “Oh, you kids, always with the blowing of the smoke up my fanny.”
I press my lips together to keep from chuckling. It’s been years since I heard the word fanny being used in polite conversation. “Can you head on over to Grows Like A Weed? Gwen and Chief have something to show you. You can be their guinea pig.”
“Hmm… is that like a rat in a scientist’s cage? No thank you.”
I hold the phone even closer to my ear. “You’re going to like this experiment. I promise. How soon can you be here?”
Some horns honk. “I’m already in the car so I can be there in a few minutes.”
“See you soon,” I say, pressing the red button.
I palm my phone and fire off a text to Cora before sliding it in my pocket, sure she’ll want to be here to hear what Gwen has to say about the new strain for arthritis. I know that Blanche has trouble with her knuckles and that keeps her from knitting perfect berets and scarves and mittens. And I’d rather see her try something natural than overtax her internal organs with a bunch of drugs. I’m all about natural. Diet. Exercise.
And a good strain of weed.
My lips twist into a smirk as I head toward the front where Chief stands behind the counter on the computer. “Blanche is on her way. Where’s Gwen?”
He