my boxers. No one to care if I let my dick air dry after a shower. No one to care if I ate ice cream out of the tub or left the Chinese takeout in the fridge a little too long.
The trade-off for all that freedom was the fact that loneliness sucked, though. I liked the quiet intimacy of just talking to someone about their day. I missed being able to casually touch another person whenever the whim struck. Obviously I missed sex, because while me and my hand had become a lot more acquainted over the past year, it was still no substitute for the real thing.
Hooking up with someone was a step in the right direction, wasn't it? I'd get the sex part out of the way, and I'd have some companionship. Even if it was just telling a guy he did a good job while the cum cooled. I had no idea what guys talked about after fucking. Probably not something I should admit in my profile.
Right now, I didn't want anything serious. I would eventually. I knew that. I would never be able to keep up with the lifestyle Keith enjoyed, even if I did envy him sometimes. But, I was afraid any search for a partner right now would mean looking for a replacement to Barbara, and that just wasn't possible.
So maybe the key was to be someone else. Just for a night. Get out of my head and out of my comfort zone. Have a good time and an experience I wouldn't forget. As I settled onto the couch, a pint of Ben & Jerry's in my lap and phone in my hand, I opened Grindr for only the second time since downloading the app.
I'd had it for about a week, but I'd been intimidated by all the profile pics of rippling, hairless abs. My abs weren't ever going to ripple, and they were far from hairless. Barb always called it my "baby rat fur," which was possibly the least endearing endearment I could imagine, but she'd liked the fuzz on my belly and chest, so I'd never complained.
Somehow I didn't think a random guy on Grindr was looking for "baby rat fur," so I hadn't uploaded a pic. That didn't mean I was excluded from being messaged, though. When the inbox showed a notification, my heart had sped to a nearly unbearable pace. I'd tapped the icon and found a message from a guy whose username was basedalpha94. I should have realized from that.
Instead, I'd opened the message, only to see a guy's hard dick staring back at me and the text 'u wanna suck it?' beneath. I'd stared at the thing for a good ten minutes, wondering why someone would send an unsolicited dick pic for a dick that... honestly wasn't that great. It was average at best, with a weird curve that looked like it'd been broken once or something. And the grooming was just awful. If I put that thing in my mouth, I was going to have hair up my nose for sure.
I'd texted Tina right after to ask about her experience getting anonymous dick pics from random guys who thought they were hot shit, and we'd commiserated with one another for the rest of the night. That was the last time I'd even bothered to open Grindr, and doing so now, I was sure my inbox would be flooded with more pics of mediocre penises. Thankfully there was not a dick to be found, but no messages, either.
Of course not. You haven't even filled out your profile.
Letting out a breath, I focused my attention on that. I told myself I'd just get the profile done and then see what came of it. No reason to be overly aggressive. Of course, I had no idea what to want. Keith had made it clear my normal hobbies and interests wouldn't be helpful here, and I didn't want it known I was a teacher. Partially because I wasn't interested in engaging with teacher kink, and partially because I didn't want it getting back to my work. I didn't think they'd actually fire me for being bi, but I wasn't willing to take any chances.
I settled on just putting the most generic things ever. Things like "I like good movies and good food," which was true, but to me "good movies" meant While You Were Sleeping and "good food" meant a slice of pepperoni at Satchel's. I said I was "just looking