just ate a sin fry,” Daisy points out.
“I’m nervous.” Carole shakes her head. “And sad. And disappointed.” She stuffs another fry in her mouth.
“I’m surprised,” Tyrell sighs heavily. “I really wouldn’t have expected this of you, young man. Or Callie. I thought I was a better judge of character.”
The door to the barn flies open and Callie rushes in. They all jump guiltily, like toddlers caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
“What in the name of Sam Hill are you doing?” she yells at them. Then she stares at me. “And what are you wearing?” She stalks over to the table and grabs the French fry bowl. “And why are you eating my dinner?” She stuffs a couple of fries in her mouth.
Her mother looks at her guiltily. “How did you know we were here?”
Callie stares at her. “How do you think I knew?” she says, still chewing. She must be really mad. Normally she has impeccable table manners.
Her mother wilts. “Because this is Bitter End.”
“Exactly.”
“I got a text saying that you’d meet me here at six,” I say to Callie. “And all these guys came here instead. I’m confused.”
“I never sent any text like that.” She glowers at them. “Did one of you use a phone spoofing service? And you all lied and sent me over to the ag hall for no reason. And you must have lied to the security guards, to get past them.” That makes sense. The security guards would have no reason to suspect that Carole, the owner of the property, would be up to anything nefarious. “I’d expect this from Gramma Mae, Mama, but you’re the person who told me that lying is a one-way ticket to Hell.”
“Hey!” Daisy says angrily. “Don’t yell at us. You are messing around with a man who’s about to get married. That’s a really horrible thing to do, Callie.”
Everyone starts talking at once. “How could you?” “I thought I raised you better than that!” “Daddy would be turning over in his grave!” “What kind of example do you think this sets for Fiona?”
“Stop!” Callie yells. “Just sit right there, without talking, and without eating any more of my fries. I will be right back.” She sets the bowl down on the far end of the table and hurries over to the dressing room area.
As soon as she’s gone, everybody dives for the fries again. Okay, I may be minutes away from being tarred and feathered, but at least my cooking is a hit.
We wait in the most uncomfortable silence in the history of silences. Everyone glares at me, and I stare at the floor and wish I was in Hong Kong. Or on the International Space Station. Or anywhere but here.
Callie stalks out, and now she’s several inches taller in platform shoes, and wearing the wig, hat, and sunglasses.
“I don’t understand.” Gramma Mae stares at her. “Why are you playing dress-up? Is this something kinky?”
“Gramma Mae!” Carole shrieks. “I will put you in a nursing home, don’t think I won’t!”
Daisy’s jaw drops. “Oh my God. Oh my God. It was you all along. You’re the mystery fiancée!”
Everyone gapes at her, their mouths hanging open.
I put my arm around Callie’s shoulders. “It’s always been her.”
“But how? Why?” Carole looks bewildered.
Mayor Culpepper slowly sets down his shotgun.
“She did it to help me,” I say quickly.
Callie takes off the sunglasses. “I’m really, really sorry. It’s an incredibly long story.”
“I’ve got all night.” Carole’s eyes bore right into Callie.
“Well, I don’t, because Sebastian cooked me dinner and I’d like to eat whatever you vultures haven’t snarfed up. Here’s the short version. We really needed a major band to play the arena, and we were getting way too close to the deadline to land anyone else, and I knew Sebastian from when he lived here a long time ago. And Sebastian needed someone to pretend to be engaged to him to help repair his image. We agreed on this subterfuge, and then we ended up dating, and everything just got out of hand.”
“How could you not tell me you had a boyfriend?” Carole wails.
Callie winces. “I’m sorry, Mama. It’s early days yet, and we’re still figuring out where this is going.”
Carole claps her hand to her chest. “Oh, thank heavens you’re taking it slow. I thought you’d…you know.” She glances around.
Gramma Mae snorts. “She thought you’d boinked.”
“Gramma Mae!” everyone shouts at the same time, glaring at her.
Gramma Mae shrugs. “What? I didn’t think so. Callie’s way too uptight.”
Callie raises her voice. “That’s