Jones, get back in here, I know it’s you!” I yell.
“No it isn’t!” she calls back, looking down at the ground.
I stick my head out the window. “Terra, this is just sad.” I shake my head in annoyance. “If you jump, you’re going to break your legs. Or maybe your neck.”
“Get in here!” the deputy hollers. “There’s nowhere to go. Or jump, I don’t care. I’m either taking you to jail or the hospital.”
After a pause, she turns around and climbs back in through the window. The deputy reaches over and pulls her ski mask off. I stifle a gasp. She looks terrible. One of her eyes is purpling and swollen half shut. There’s a stubbly patch of hair on the left side of her head, near her hairline. I’d heard about what happened to her in Nashville, tangling with a crowd of Heat Lightning groupies, but I had no idea it was that bad.
“I was just doing my job!” she says angrily.
“But you got fired from the blog,” I point out. “So you actually don’t have a job. You’re just a burglar.”
“Well, I started my own blog.” She glowers at me resentfully. “I already have hundreds of thousands of views.”
I bet she does. Sleaze sells. “I don’t care if you’ve started your own scandal sheet. That doesn’t give you the legal right to break into my house and rummage through my drawers. And you’re evicted from our hotel, and I am getting a restraining order. No refund, under the circumstances.”
“You’re under arrest for burglary and criminal trespass,” the deputy informs her. “Right this way.”
He gestures at the door. Sullenly, she lets him lead her out.
“Don’t tell Mama I confronted a burglar,” I plead with Lance. “You’re right, it was stupid. It won’t happen again. She’s in a surprisingly good mood today and I don’t want to ruin it. You know how she gets.”
“Fine. This one time. But it better not happen again.” And he heads out, shaking his head disapprovingly.
After he leaves, I put everything back in the drawers before heading downstairs.
Fiona is sitting at the kitchen table, eating a slice of pie. Apparently our house has a “come in without knocking and take what you want” sign on it today.
“Fancy meeting you here,” I say, sitting across from her.
She conveys her scorn with that special brand of eye-roll that only teenagers can truly master. “Hello, the 1900s called, they want their cliché back. I came over because I heard someone say the cops went to your house. You didn’t commit a crime, did you? You’re too boring to commit a crime.”
“No, there was a burglar upstairs in my bedroom. Well, it turned out to be a crazy tabloid reporter, but I don’t think she’ll bother us again.”
Her narrow face pinches in worry. “You should get a big dog,” she suggests. “Savannah has lots of them, right? At her dog shelter.”
“We’ll put in an alarm system,” I assure her. “We should have done it already.”
“But I like dogs,” she pouts. “I could play with a dog.”
“You can go over to Savannah’s animal shelter any time and play with dogs. You could volunteer there. I’ll go with you.”
“Stop trying to get me to be socially responsible, and deal with the fact that you’re a sitting duck here.”
“A sitting duck? Now who’s abusing clichés?” I push back my chair and stand up. “I wouldn’t mind playing with some dogs today. We’ll go down to Savannah’s shelter and see if maybe she’s got a volunteer application hanging around.” The busier she is, the less chance she has of getting into trouble. “I’m just going to go change out of my work clothes.”
Fiona stands up too, pushing her empty pie plate away. “Not so fast. Let me go up there first and clear the room.”
I look her up and down. She’s so skinny if she turned sideways she’d disappear.
“Sure,” I say indulgently. “I’ll be right behind you, in case you need backup.”
She goes over to the cabinet under the sink and roots around for a minute, and selects a can of wasp spray. “Since I don’t have mace, this will have to do. I should be allowed to have mace though.”
“Somehow that idea worries me,” I say. I look around for a weapon that I can use to confront a non-existent burglar. The closest thing I see is a rolling pin on the counter. I grab that, follow her up the stairs, and wait in the hallway as she kicks open the door