observed in my twenty-two years, shifters were dominated by their need to find their mate. I didn’t blame them for this—I would have liked to have someone in my corner. Someone who was the perfect match for me and would support me no matter what.
I’d been alone, so fucking alone and lonely, for almost my entire life.
But at no point had I ever been desperate enough to want to mate with anyone in this pack. I mean, there was no way, just through some quirk in fate, I’d suddenly be all hot and heavy for one of these assholes who had tormented me. Right?
Life couldn’t be that unfair.
“Tonight is one of the last group runs before our pups join us,” Victor shouted, his honey-blond hair springing up as his wolf rose to the surface. “Let’s change and commune with our beasts.”
Shouts rang out around the massive field we were congregated on, outside the alpha’s mansion with its sixty bedrooms and as many bathrooms. It was as far from a humble dwelling as any place could be, but it was nothing compared to the many thousands of priceless acres attached to it.
Wild and untamed land that the pack would cover tonight in their run.
Those of us too young would leave now, before the beasts emerged. I’d seen the change from human to wolf before, of course, but never in a mass gathering like this.
Simone grabbed my hand as the alpha lifted his head and howled to the sky, releasing us from his power. “Let’s get out of here,” she said. “I’ve got my car.”
We ran. Like at school, it was best if I made myself scarce when the wolves base instincts emerged.
“Is your mom here?” she asked, both of us full-on sprinting to the field where her car was. She was smart enough to park off to the side, where no one could block us in. This was not our first pack meeting, and we were adept at survival.
“Didn’t see her,” I said shortly. “And she wouldn’t accept a ride from us anyway. She’d be in there, shifting with them, trying to worm her way into the heart of another.”
My father had been her true mate, but she didn’t care. His death—his betrayal, as she put it—had destroyed all of us. And I got it. Part of me hated him more than I could imagine hating anyone.
Another part missed him with an intensity that took my breath away.
Sliding into Simone’s old red pickup truck, I tried to calm my breathing, even as my heart pounded against my chest. I wasn’t winded from the run. Nope, it was the fear that did that.
Fuck. Fear was so debilitating, and not for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to live without it. To just… get up each morning and not dread the fucking day.
An absolute truth struck me then, while I was trying to calm my damn heart for the second time that day: I should have run years ago. The fact that I’d stayed here, placing myself in this position to be tormented daily, was an absolute disgrace.
Turning myself into a victim over and over again was a shame I felt deep in my soul.
“I have to leave tonight,” I decided, intensity lacing my tone. “Tonight is my best chance. They’ll be gone on their run for hours, and the town is empty.”
Simone slammed on the brakes, the car screeching to a halt. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she all but shouted. “Girl, you’re one month out from your shift. You can’t go now. You’ll die without an alpha to guide you through the first change.”
My hands were clenched at my sides as anger and humiliation coursed through me. “I let them turn me into a whimpering bitch,” I said through gritted teeth, my throat so thick, I could barely get the words out. “I’ve lived in fear for a decade. I’ve had the worst kind of shit done to me, and I wear the scars both internally and externally from it. Why the fuck have I stayed so long? On a one-off fear I might die during my first shift? At this point, that would be a blessing.”
Not to mention leaving before my shift would lessen my bond to the alpha and make it even harder for him to track me. As I said the words out loud, allowing my mindset of waiting for my first shift to leave to change, it all made a lot more sense