it is…
The dreaded question I get on every single date.
Online dating is like walking through a maze, hoping to find the end, only to run into a thorny bush at every wrong turn.
How can I soften the blow for the skinny, slightly attractive, blond-headed man staring at me all doe-eyed across the table?
“I’m a doctor…surgeon.” That’s the safest answer I’ve come up with so far. Some are smart and don’t have a follow-up question. Others are not.
“What’s your specialty?”
Obviously, not a smart one.
I pick my wine up and take a long sip. “I perform vasectomies.”
And there it is...
The look of pure agony on the man’s face.
I may as well have stomped on his man bits and twisted.
He starts coughing then slams a closed fist to his chest. Then, to top it off, he profusely starts clearing his throat. “Sorry, um, well…okay…that’s an interesting job,” he says with a croaky voice, as he takes a sip of his water to try and drown out what I have just said.
This has been a complete waste of my lunch break.
My occupation is a cock block.
Oh, the joys of being a specialist surgeon.
Twenty minutes later, he asks the waiter for the check. I shouldn’t be surprised. Although, I must give it to him; he’s my newest record for the shortest date ever.
We say our goodbyes, and off the intimidated little man goes.
Fumbling a little, I pull my phone from my handbag and press Scarlett’s name. She answers with, “How long this time?”
“Twenty minutes after he finished eating. Not even an offer of dessert. So disappointing. I needed something sweet to get me through the rest of the day. What is wrong with the men in this city? Am I not a catch?” I attempt to not sound desperate, even though I know that’s exactly how I sound.
Scarlett chuckles. “Dylan, there’s nothing wrong with you. They’re the ones who have a problem. They obviously can’t see the catch they have right in front of them. They are missing out.” Her words are gentle but filled with self-belief, so much so they sound forceful through the phone line.
I sigh. “I know, but this biological clock is ticking. And to top that off, the constant nagging from my mother is going to send me to the loony house. What if I marry someone and realize I can’t have kids?” Yep, I know I sound desperate now.
“We’re both on the same clock, Dylan.”
“Oh, pish… I bet you’re sitting there beside your man.”
“Yes, she is.” Lachlan’s voice comes through the phone, and I smile.
“Why aren’t you working, Scarlett?”
“I took a day to do nothing.”
“Gee, I wish I had your life.”
She laughs. “You will. When you find the right guy, you will want to work less.”
“I highly doubt it. It’s Monday, and I’m already slammed with clients for the rest of the week. So, Lachlan, tell me what I’m doing wrong?” It’s time for a man’s point of view.
“Like Scarlett said… I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I just think that you haven’t met the right one. You want someone who appreciates you and values what you do as important. As opposed to the clowns you’ve been dating, who think that when they end things with you, they’ll wake up in the middle of the night with you standing beside their bed with a scalpel.” He laughs.
“You might not be wrong there! But I’d only do that if they’d done something wrong by me.”
“Oh, I have no doubt you’d do that. You can be scary sometimes,” Lachlan replies.
“Well, I’ll let you go. I’m heading home. I’ll talk to you later, Scarlett.”
“Scarlett…remember to keep an open mind. It could be someone you least expect who sweeps you off your feet. Maybe a tall, handsome and hot guy in a leather jacket will stumble into your office.”
I highly doubt that.
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll see what comes my way. Most men who come to my office are ones with wives.”
I end the call, and I’m left to my thoughts. The same ones that plague my mind with what the hell am I doing with my life? And why have I waited so long to really attempt this dating thing?
“Your last appointment of the day should be here any minute.” Charlie, my assistant, stands in my office doorway as I stare at the dating app on my computer screen which is full of a list of men who have swiped right.
Lifting my head, I glance at her. “Okay, I’ll finish up here and start