inside her. Tasting her. And the way she took my cock in her mouth. I flop on the bed and link my fingers behind my head. With eyes closed, I recall everything. How the hell I remember, only I do. Joy seeps into my bones at a time my head is clouded in grief. I give myself a few minutes of pleasure before pressing the button to call Mum.
“Hey,” I croak. “How are you?”
“Dustin.” Her tone is one of relief. “I’m okay. How are you?”
“Okay. I’m settling in. Had my first training with the team this morning.” She remains quiet, so I keep talking. “The coach has his head screwed on, and the young lads are focused. I’m looking forward to playing with them.” More silence. Today is not a day she wants to hear about football.
“Dustin.” Her tone is laced with patience and understanding, yet an indicator she wants to say something else.
“Mum.”
“I’m happy for you, I really am. Like I said before your flight, I know this wasn’t part of your plan or where you wanted to finish your days playing footy, but—”
“I’ll make the most of my days here and give it my best shot. We’ve had this conversation.”
“—you don’t have to pretend everything is okay, today.”
I let out a long sigh. There’s no fooling my mother. She knows the burden, the sadness we hang onto because it surfaces in early November every bloody year.
“Did you visit his grave?” I ask in a softer voice.
“Yes, love. Rhett and Tori came with me because Jase is in Adelaide. They selected him to play for a league club. He found a rental in Glenelg and is checking it out this week. So, he won’t be back for a few days.”
“What club?”
“The Bays. Finally gave the big smoke a go, and since he has the height like you, and Rhett knew his football days were numbered if he didn’t give it a shot.”
“That’s great.” Although it’s not the reason for her call. “They’ll miss him around town.”
“Yeah,” she says and pauses. “He wasn’t coping. After Jacinta split up with him for another player at our local club, he didn’t want to play footy there anymore. He always had the talent, only he was happy at the farm. I’m not sure what he’ll do for work in the city.”
Mum is always worrying about something when we should be taking care of her.
“Shit, I didn’t know she did that. It’s a good thing he’s twenty-two and will work it out. Why doesn’t he stay in Rhett’s house? It’s big enough for the entire team. Or mine… for now. Before I sell it. If you kept me in the loop, I’m sure there’s something I could do to help.”
“You have enough on your plate, love. But that’s a lovely offer. I’ll tell him.”
“It’s fine. I’ll call him.” Damn, my gut pangs saying the words. “It’s been a long time since I spoke with you all.”
I rub the back of my neck to ease the tension. I’m the middle brother and never saw eye to eye with Rhett or Jase. Both believe I’m a selfish prick. Maybe I am, but I did what I had to do to remain sane.
“He’d love that. He feels like he’s going through this alone.”
We both remain silent. She understands I’ve suffered on my own for years. “Did you say Rhett and Tori are back from South America?”
“Yes, for Tori to start IVF. They are giving it one last shot. So, she’ll commute between here and the city for a while.”
“Rhett is taking the reins?”
“He’s always had the reins, love. I’m grateful you both helped financially with the farm. Both your football careers benefitted the business. Yet, he knows with Jase gone, there’ll be no more trips overseas for indigenous sponsorship. I’ll need him here.”
“Of course, you do. He shouldn’t expect a sixty-year-old woman to run the farm on her own.” I swallow hard. I’m a bastard expecting my brothers to help while I stay the fuck away.
“For one, I’m not sixty yet. I’m fifty-eight.”
“Close enough.”
“You should never add years to a lady’s age.”
I chuckle. I love this banter with Mum. It’s been years since we did this after being out in the orchards during the daylight hours. Jase was younger, so it was Mum and me against the world.
“I miss you.” I stare up to the white ceiling, to the fan spinning above my bed.
“I miss you, too. I want to come and see you and watch you