wonder about me for once.
• • •
The house is set back from the street, hidden down a long gravel driveway behind large trees. As we pull up, the rocks crunch under the tires, and I take in how isolated it looks. A small wood-shingled house surrounded by a forest, a few dead flowers in the beds.
“You sure you know this guy?” James asks. “This looks like a place where unsuspecting teenagers come to have sex and get murdered.”
I laugh and look sideways at him. “Don’t embarrass me in front of my friend. Realm’s a good guy.”
“Was he more than a friend? Not that it’s any of my business.” He lowers his eyes. A sudden rush of guilt spreads over me.
“No, it’s okay to ask. He, um . . . It was complicated, I guess.”
James doesn’t say anything but I can feel a heavy silence fill the car. Not sure what else to do, I open the door and get out, waiting for James to follow me up to the house. On the front porch, I’m overwhelmed with nervousness and excitement. I’m about to see Realm again. It’s been over a month. Will he look different? I know I do.
The door opens just a crack as he peers out, reminding me of how he would do that in The Program when we were sneaking around. My smile spreads, and then the door flies open and Realm steps forward, swinging me into a big hug before I can even get a look at him.
“Hey, sweetness,” he says, crushing me against him. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
Realm smells good, not like detergent and soap, but of clean skin. A hint of cologne. I pull back to look at him. His hair is shorter, his complexion less ghostly. It’s then that he notices James leaning against the porch railing.
“Oh, hi,” Realm says, sounding surprised. He offers his hand and James takes it. “Michael Realm,” Realm says.
“James Murphy.”
The smile abruptly falls from Realm’s face, and I see the color that was just there drain away. “Nice to meet you,” he practically whispers, and takes a step back. He shoots a dark look at me.
“Come in.” He pushes the door open and motions for us to enter. James thanks him, and I can’t help but see the small bit of satisfaction in his expression at Realm’s discomfort.
We stand around the entry as Realm follows us in and then bolts the door. The house is more like a cabin with exposed wooden beams and a rustic decor. It doesn’t strike me as something Realm would be into, but then I don’t really know what he was like before The Program. Neither does he.
“So how’ve you been, Sloane?” he asks, checking me over.
“Weird,” I say. “Everything has been a little weird for me. You?”
“Oh, I’m just peachy.”
Realm leads us into the living room, and I sit on the couch while James takes a chair near the fireplace. Realm collapses next to me, wrapping me in a hug once again. “God, I’ve missed you,” he says. “And I like the hair.”
“You said not to change it.”
“Well, I was wrong. You look great. Healthy, too.” He glances at James, who is pretending to be fascinated by a painting of eagles on the wall. “So,” Realm says, dropping his arms in front of him and settling into the cushions. “How do you two know each other?”
“We’re not dating, if that’s what you’re really asking,” James says evenly.
Realm smiles. “I’m not asking that.”
James nods. “Fair enough.”
There’s a small sting to my self-esteem as James quickly dismisses our relationship, but I ignore it and touch Realm’s arm to draw his attention. “We’re here because I need your help,” I say.
“I’d do anything for you.”
At that second, an odd sensation comes over me and I pause, trying to place it. It’s not romantic, almost cautious . . . But it’s gone before I can finish the thought. Like an emotional déjà vu.
I reach into my back pocket and take out the picture, giving it to Realm. When he sees it he sucks in a harsh breath. “Where did you get this?” he asks immediately.
“I found it. It was strange. I was home, and then all of a sudden I had this flash of a memory, a memory from before. I saw myself putting this picture into a slit in my mattress. That’s my brother,” I say, pointing to Brady’s face. “And that’s him.” I jerk my thumb over my shoulder and hear James chuckle.
Realm’s