to be a diaper magnet, but I hoped summer vacation might change that.
When I was at school, I hung out with Robert Schwarner and Gabe Friedman. Gabe hadn't been keen on the idea at first, but he'd relented when I asked him to teach me his broadsword moves. I hadn't asked him just to be nice. I actually thought they were cool and I wanted to learn. Claudia was amused that I seemed to have found the Happy in the Happy Hopeless.
"Happy" was kind of a stretch for me. Claudia and I were talking constantly the way we used to, but it was different. Karl still wasn't acknowledging me, and I didn't know how long it would last. Mom was speaking to me again, but something fundamental had changed.
Life was supposed to change, I knew that. But this felt off. Like I'd gotten lost somewhere and was still navigating through weird back roads to try to get to the main drag. It had been a long time since I'd made decisions based on instinct, without any angle or strategy, but I was trying to do that now. I tried to really pay attention and be honest with myself. It seemed like it should be simple ... but it was incredibly hard.
The week of the junior prom, I almost expected Robert or Gabe to ask me. Not as a romantic thing. I imagined they'd want to go as a three-person unit: the Fellowship of the Prom. I probably would have said yes. It would have been fun with them ... maybe. Even though I'd feel like I was swallowing glass every time I saw Archer and Sue together.
Turned out Robert and Gabe had long-standing plans for prom night: all six Star Wars movies, in order, back to back. I was invited to join, but they weren't starting the movies until six p.m. That meant they wouldn't get to the three I liked until after midnight, and I had an eleven o'clock curfew. A self-imposed curfew, actually. It felt important to show Mom and Karl I could be disciplined and responsible on my own.
I thought about Archer a lot that week. I only saw him briefly, at the English exam, but that was on purpose. I came in at the last second and left with time to spare, so there was no chance to talk. Not that I imagined he wanted to talk, but I didn't want to take the chance.
Of everything I lost, Archer hurt the most. At least Claudia, Karl, and my mom were still in my life. But with Archer ... now that I was being honest with myself, I wasn't sure I could ever be friends with him. It just hurt too much.
Still, I couldn't help checking up on him. I'd go to his Facebook page and read his posts. They were all about prom. He was taking Sue, of course, and kept trolling for advice. Should the corsage match or complement the girl's dress? Should a good boyfriend open the limo door or let the driver do it? Was it okay to keep his date to himself all night, or was it good manners to let other guys dance with her? He was clearly nervous. It was sweet. My heart broke that he wasn't asking all those questions about me, but I was happy for him.
The Saturday morning of prom, I still hadn't decided what I was going to do. I felt like I had to do something. For a while I'd had sleepover plans with Claudia, but she'd canceled. Pennsbrook's junior prom was the same night, and she'd been shocked when a very cute and very shy Cubby Crew guy asked her to be his date. His name was Henry—like King Henry, which only seemed right. Claudia had never noticed Henry before, but now he was all she thought about. She was smitten in a huge way.
"Is it horrible that I'm bailing on our sleepover to go out with Henry?" she asked me.
"You're not just going out with him; you're going to prom with him. It would be horrible if you didn't bail."
I spent Saturday morning on my bike. I hadn't gone for a ride in my new neighborhood since we'd moved from Yardley, and it felt great to stretch and move my body. I rode past my whole year: past Chrysella, past Archer's house, Wegmans, Nate's house, Eddie's and Robert's houses ... I even rode past the turnoff to Trista Way.
I let the year sift