U.S. History. My great scores on these were originally supposed to help me get into Northwestern. I understood that wasn't an option anymore, but other colleges were, so I wanted to do the best I could.
I tried contacting Claudia every day. Nothing.
I tried talking to Mom and Karl, but Karl wouldn't meet my eyes. Mom just sniffed and said she wasn't ready.
I saw Eddie walking through the halls with a new girlfriend. I hadn't even known we'd officially broken up. The girl was in a Cubby Crew called the Chasti-Tease. They took abstinence vows. Perfect.
Trista had said she'd destroy me, and she had. I suppose it served me right. Fly too close to the sun and you're asking to get burned.
One Monday I saw a small group of people bunched around a sign in the hall. I was curious, so I waited for them to clear away, then checked it out. It was another poster from the junior prom committee. A bunch of signs had been going up lately: information about tickets, corsage sales, tuxedo rentals ... It seemed like there was a new set of flyers every day. Today's was asking for video footage. The committee wanted to edit together a junior year retrospective.
I had some video footage. I remembered stumbling through the party, shooting it with my iPhone. I thought I'd been capturing the greatest night of my life. Had you asked me then, I'd have imagined myself watching the footage constantly, editing it down to maybe five perfect minutes that I'd post on Facebook so everyone could revel in its fabulousness and comment again and again about how amazing the party had been and how amazing I was for throwing it.
As it turned out, I hadn't even looked at what I'd shot. I hadn't exactly been interested in reliving the night.
Yet the more I thought about the footage, the more I wanted to see it. I needed to see it. I'd been a walking callus for so long that I craved feeling, even if it meant slicing myself open and bleeding.
I waited until after school. The minute I got home, I hooked my phone into the computer. Better to watch it on the bigger screen. More potent. I plugged in my noise-canceling headphones to really immerse myself in the experience.
It was even harder to watch than I'd expected but not because of the content. I'd been so drunk when I'd shot it that the picture kept moving and swaying. I thought I might get seasick. The actual stuff I'd shot was pretty innocuous: people hanging out and having a great time at a party. Knowing what happened after made my stomach ache, but the footage itself was honestly pretty boring. At least it would be to anyone not featured in the shot.
I made myself watch anyway and take every bit of it in. It hurt and I deserved to hurt.
The image now was the deck. I'd taken the camera out there and filmed each little cluster of people. I remembered I'd wanted to capture the feel of the night as it was, so I hadn't tried to get people's attention or let them know I was shooting them. It was dark enough that it had worked easily—no one looked at the camera or acknowledged it in any way.
I saw group after group of people I couldn't name if I tried. Then I saw Eddie. He was standing with a Genius. Their heads were bent close, and they spoke in low voices.
"Have you come out to anyone at school?" the Genius asked.
"No, dude, no,"Eddie said. "You?"
"Nah. So ... um ... you want to—"
That's when my camera swung over to a very drunk Cosmopolitan girl trying to use a fUnnel to pee off the deck like a guy.
I rewound to the Eddie conversation and watched it again.
Wow.
He was on tape admitting he was gay. He didn't flat-out say it, but anyone who saw this would know. Eddie would freak if this got out.
I wondered if I'd caught more.
I kept watching, but I wasn't dragging myself through the mud now. I was fascinated.
I didn't see anything else between Eddie and the Genius, but a while later I'd caught part of a conversation between Kristie and her new boyfriend, Tyler.
"Why can't we leave?"Tyler asked.
"Trista wouldn't like it," Kristie said.
"So what? She's your friend She'll get over it. "
"She's not my friend! She's the social police—I hate it!"
Oh my God—this was amazing! I was dying to hear more, but the camera lurched