You can’t live for her.”
“I know. It’s not that I need her approval, but I just want her to like you and be happy for me. You know, I want to make her proud, I guess, in some way. And it would be less for her to worry about once she gets to know you.”
“I get it.” His voice sounded a bit down, and when I glanced in the mirror, I could tell his smile had faded a bit.
“Good. I know this sibling stuff might not make sense to everyone. But when my dad left Mom, she was a basket case for a while, and Clara was all I had. We took care of Mom and each other. We did everything from paying the bills to buying groceries. It wasn’t easy. Mom barely got up to go to work.”
“I have a brother,” he blurted. “Well, I had one.” He said it as if he was admitting he had a drinking problem.
The information came as a surprise. I had always thought he was an only child from the stories he’d told me. “What do you mean you had? Like a stepbrother?” Maybe his mom or dad had remarried at some point and divorced?
“No, he was my brother, but he passed away. I was going to tell you, but things are always so happy with you that I just didn’t want to bring the mood down. Besides, I’m working on moving on from what happened, and I guess I’m at a point where sometimes still just talking about it stirs up old feelings.”
“I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes a moment and tried to compose myself. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“It’s okay. I’m in the right mood to talk about him. His name was Bryan, and he was only eleven months older than me and one grade ahead, but you’d have thought he was twenty by the way he protected me.”
“I can relate to that,” I said, seeing him in a whole new light. “That sounds like Clara. It must be an older sibling thing.”
“Yeah, she was pretty scary at practice.” He laughed.
“We’re both the babies? Or do you have others?”
“No, just him.” He took a deep breath, and I could tell that it was hard to talk about. “Look, I didn’t keep him from you on purpose. I don’t want secrets between us.”
“I understand. And while I almost lost Clara, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. How did he die? Or do you not want to tell me? I’ll understand if it’s too hard. I can be patient for you.”
“I know, and you’re sweet to say so, but I’m okay. I don’t mind telling you. I feel like I could tell you anything actually.”
I walked over and sat next to him. “I want you to be able to tell me anything. And I hope you feel the same.”
“I do,” he said. He took my hand. “It was a car accident. We were at a party, and he had been drinking a little. So had I. I was tired. I had a rough night with Layla. We were fighting, and shit was bad at home. I told him I was leaving, and he insisted on bringing me back to our friend’s house so he could keep the car and our parents would think we were together. He had met a girl and wanted to use the backseat.” He smiled and rolled his eyes. “We were a lot alike at that time. Anyway, I agreed. And on the way back from dropping me off, he was in a wreck.”
My heart broke for him. “Oh no. I’m so sorry.”
“Well, Bryan was brought in to the hospital, and he fought for his life for days. He was strong. A real fighter, even more so than me. Things were actually looking good, but there was an unseen complication, and he didn’t make it. He died just as I got to the hospital to relieve my mom on the fifth day. We were both there when it happened.”
“God, I can’t imagine. Clara has given us a good scare, but I never thought for once that I’d lose her.”
“I never thought I’d lose Bryan. It’s like, how do you ever imagine a world without him in it?”
“Yeah, exactly,” I said. It was strange we had that in common.
“I hope you never have to find out what’s it’s like.” He leaned in and kissed me. “Now you should get ready. I don’t want us to be late tonight.