should do what I love.”
“Well, you do listen to me? Imagine that. And I’m glad you’re up for the challenge because I need you.”
“I know you’re counting on me, Coach.” He had put so much pressure on me that I was beginning to feel smothered. “I’m not trying to let you down.”
“I’m not a young man, Seth. I’ve only got a few more years to obtain my goals and dreams before I have to retire, and yes, all that talk about the high-school teams was not a joke. I don’t want to end my career that way. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can ask if you’ll do it.”
“Avery and I are just starting to talk again. I’m not sure where it’s going, but I have this under control. I won’t let it get in the way.”
“Go home and get some rest for a change. From what I hear, all you do is party and fuck everything with tits. I’m counting on you tomorrow, son.”
My chest felt a heavy weight each and every time he called me son. He had been more like a father to me than my own father, and while he was tougher in many ways, the difference was I respected the hell out of my coach.
“Yes, sir. I gave you my word. I’m not letting anything get in the way of the game. Not this time.” And I meant it too. “Avery isn’t going to be a problem. I promise.”
“I’m just scared you won’t see it. You used to say the same thing to me about Layla. I saw how bad it was with you losing Bryan, son. And you lost Layla by acting out over that loss. I know you’re better now, but I don’t want to go through another season of your mood swings. I gave you time to heal. Stop doing things that could lead to picking old wounds.”
“As I said, it won’t be that way. And I’ve learned a lot since Layla. I don’t want to be like my father. I have better people in my life I look up to.” I didn’t want to tell him how much I looked up to him. Or that he was the man I wanted to be like and was probably more like than my own father. But I felt he knew it. I sighed and said it again. “She won’t be a problem.”
He gave me a regretful look. “From what I hear, she already is. It’s a hard choice, but if it’s meant to be, she’ll be there after you’re done with the season. Think it over. I’m trusting you.” He got up from the bench and turned to give me a hard look. “Don’t make me regret putting my faith in your talent above the others.”
I felt another punch in the gut with the thought of regrets. My own father regretted having me. He had a son who he loved more than life, and when my brother Bryan was taken away, he was lost without him. Lost to the point that he had told my uncle that if God had to take one of his sons, he wished it had been me. He didn’t know I was listening, and I later found out that he had treated my mother so badly for all of my life because he never thought I was really his. Turned out, he was wrong. And by the time it was proven I was his, it was too late.
My brother had so much promise that I had been the disappointment long before I ever played sports. Once I found my niche in something and actually succeeded enough to get a scholarship to Providence University, my father had decided that I might be worth something after all. I was the only thing he had left.
Too bad I was already done being his son.
During my senior year, I met Coach Carr, who offered me the scholarship to Providence University. He’d been interested in me since my glory days in high school and been to more games than my own mother and father.
Bryan, my older brother, was the only other person who had really pushed me to be my best, and when I lost him, Coach cut me some slack that season, but he wasn’t so good about me letting my grief return over Layla.
And now he was worried I’d let Avery be the same kind of emotional distraction.
He got up without another word and went back to his