to watch over him while he slept, then I’d do exactly that. It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t want him back in his current situation. Not as a life partner. I deserved more than that from him, but just as I continued to be there for Mario, I couldn’t turn down helping Ash either.
“I’ll just be here for the night,” I said, hoping he understood what I meant. “To support you after what you’ve been through, but you need to talk to a therapist, Ash. I’m not one. Tomorrow morning I’ll leave you to live your life the way you choose, but if you ever need anything, never be afraid to call. Not Rue. You.”
Chapter Eighteen
Ashton
With the light of day came the horrific reality of everything that had gone wrong last night. I woke up alone, although Callum had held me while I slept. I knew he had because when I woke up screaming, he was there, kissing my forehead and telling me it was just a nightmare. That I was safe. The indentation of his head on my pillow remained, and the familiar scent of him lingered on the sheets.
The nightmares came in waves. From my father’s car bursting into flames to Louis trying to get his limp dick inside me and finally Callum with the guy he’d brought with him. Those three overlapping events had wrecked me, emptied me, and left me void without anything to fill the empty space left behind.
What had I become? Was this the way I was destined to live my life? Then I thought about Mario and the shell he’d become. I didn’t want to be another Mario ruining Callum’s life, but even after I’d walked out on him, he’d still come to my rescue.
And he always would. If I didn’t leave, I’d end up crushing him. For a brief moment, he’d spent the night in my bed, and it was enough to remind me of what I was missing. Of what I was giving up. Callum was worth fighting this disease.
I pulled the sheet up over my head and let the morning pass while I internalized the past year and a half. Every day, I’d gotten worse. After last night, what was left to come, and would I even survive it?
Maybe that would be good for Callum. Then he could move on and be with that guy who’d accompanied him last night. Without a doubt, he had to be the same guy who’d brought Callum home that night. The one I’d asked Callum if he was fucking and he’d replied in the negative.
Last night he’d said again that they were only friends. Maybe in his mind. Maybe right this minute, but how long would they remain just friends? I saw the way that guy looked at him with concern. He hadn’t been there for me. He had come for Callum’s sake.
The bitter truth was that he seemed like a decent guy. Someone with whom Callum could enjoy a happy and peaceful life. I shouldn’t stand in his way, but I couldn’t abide the idea of Callum being with anyone else but me.
I was the one he loved. He belonged to me.
I couldn’t stay in bed forever and took care of my bathroom needs. For a while I watched Lulu and Lola swimming around in their tank. How long before I destroyed these two as well? I couldn’t let that happen.
I didn’t want to face the disaster of last night and the cleanup that would be required.
When I went down the stairs to get food for the fish, I almost teared up again. The house had been cleaned. Someone had picked up all the garbage and righted the furniture, even if they weren’t exactly in the same spot they’d been before.
Not just anyone. Callum.
In the kitchen, I found he’d made me coffee. He’d left me a banana and a bran muffin on the table with a note.
Ash,
Tried to get the stains out of the rug, but you might need to hire a professional cleaner for that. Please don’t blame yourself for what happened last night. No means no. Go to the police station and file a formal report.
I can’t won’t stay, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.
P.S don’t even think about not eating.
Callum.
Not signed Daddy as he would do when we were still together, just Callum, and seeing it stung.
I brought a tray upstairs and fed my fish while I ate. I didn’t feel like eating, but Callum’s note