it.
Twilight approached quicker than I’d expected. Mateo and Javi gave me huge hugs and slipped me some cash that I tried to refuse—for emergencies, they said. It made my heart glow. Gordo shook my hand and wished me luck while lamenting that I wouldn’t be around to babysit Giuliana anymore.
That made my chest squeeze, because I’d cared for Giuliana at least once a week over the summer and, damn, that little girl was amazing. I was completely fucking smitten with her, especially now that she was starting to say words and truly becoming her own little person. My favorite phrase? “Up, Unkah Channy!”
I’d miss her.
Bryce and Trinity also said goodbye, growling that no one helped in the shop as much as I had and they were going to miss me cleaning their stations for them. But they also beamed at me when they thought I wasn’t looking, and there was no missing the pride that shone from their gazes.
My friends left with promises to text, calling out last minute hangouts before we left. I knew how they felt—we were stoked, eager for the next part of our lives to start, and more than a little scared to say goodbye to this chapter in our lives.
Everyone had left, and I was helping Chris clean up the back when I heard Dane shout Reagan’s name in greeting. I almost stumbled on a bottle left in the grass, and my heart flopped in my chest. I stood up straight, looking around too eagerly for the redheaded man who’d been a feature of every fantasy I’d had in the past year.
And there he was. The purple and pink horizon and setting sun seemed to make his hair look like flames, the strong bulk of him a silhouette that made my mouth dry and my chest ache. He was so fucking beautiful and sexy and—
God, but he was kind. He’d been kind and understanding every day I’d known him. Even when I’d acted like a petulant asshole. Even when I’d been rude to customers or employees. Reagan had been patient and kind and understanding. He’d made me feel important and worthy.
Until I’d kissed him.
He hovered from his place at the edge of the yard, as if unsure whether he could approach me, and I hated that. I hated that I’d made it weird—but even more, I hated how embarrassed I felt around him now. Like I’d gone from being a man in his eyes to a stupid kid.
“Hey,” I managed, straightening my shoulders. I was not going to let myself feel that way. I knew how far I’d come since Christian had taken me in. And damn it, I did not want to regret that kiss. Because it had been a good kiss until it stopped.
Reagan stroked his beard and looked at me—why was he looking at me like that?—before stepping closer. He held a gift in one hand.
“It’s been a while,” he said, his voice a low, rough rumble that made my blood hot. “I, uh, I got you something.”
He held out the gift.
Numb and stunned, I took it but continued to stare at him. Memorizing the creases around his eyes and laugh lines that hugged his lips. His blue eyes were so bright, even in the low light of dusk, and they were locked onto me like I was a prized painting.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I didn’t know what to say. He knew how I felt, and he’d pushed me away anyway, and now he was here and looking at me like that?
Reagan nodded, as if accepting something, even though I’d said nothing. “I’m proud of you for going to school, Channing. I’m sorry I missed the party...I had to handle some personal things.” My fingers gripped the gift tighter, the wrapping paper crinkling and tearing a little from the pressure. “Go to school. Live the life of a college kid. You came from someplace rough and you had to grow up too fast, so...don’t let your past hang you up.”
He was saying these things, all these things that were smart and true, but all I heard was: “Go to school and forget about me. Don’t let me hang you up.”
Reagan was asking me to forget about him, as if I could erase all of the feelings I had for him like writing on a chalkboard. I’d done so well keeping my shit together since my graduation party, but this was threatening to undo all of it.
So I swallowed hard and mustered a flippant