said, “I’ll be back before my shift ends to check on you. Rest now. If you’re sleepy, sleep.”
Ryder and I watched her walk out with the nurse following. He searched my face for an answer that I wasn’t ready to give. Tears welled, from frustration, maybe, or hormones?
“Baby, please don’t cry. You’ll be fine. You did it, and you’ll be just fine.”
“I can’t help it.” Using my free hand, I swiped away the tears.
He looked completely lost as to what to do.
I kept falling in and out of sleep, not knowing how long I slept each time. But Ryder never left me. Each time I woke, and looked at his sad face, I’d start crying again.
Sometime later, Cooper and Ricky walked in, carrying a huge floral monstrosity. “Are we interrupting?” Ricky asked when he saw me still wiping away tears.
“No… no. I’m just a mass of emotions.”
Ryder kissed my hand before releasing it. “I’m going to give you guys some privacy. I’ll be back.”
On his way out, he exchanged a very terse glance with Cooper, who then placed the flowers on the windowsill. “You scared the crap out of us. How are you feeling, Ree?”
Not wanting to harp on my pain, physical or emotional, I pointed to the IV beside me. “Fine thanks to that. How are the girls?” Ricky hastily pulled out his phone and tapped a few times before twisting it toward me. There they were… the angels I’d carried. Both blonde, both beautiful. And just like that my waterworks began all over again. “They’re gorgeous.”
“I think it’s fairly obvious who their daddy is,” Cooper said with a smirk.
“What can I say? My sperm are faster than yours.”
I chuckled and then winced. “Don’t make me laugh. Do we have names yet?”
“Rachel… for Riana, and Ricky,” Cooper said.
“And Caroline… for Carter, and Cooper,” Ricky concluded.
“I love that and thank you. That means so much to me.”
They both smiled. “Rachel was born first,” Ricky said, shoving his phone back in his pocket.
“Where are they now?”
“The NICU.” My concern forced him to wave a hand. “Just precaution since they’re technically premature. But they’re doing great and should be released in a few days.”
“Just in time for Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah,” he said sadly.
Ricky glanced at Cooper, who added, “If you’re still here, we want to bring the celebration to you. Not sure the staff will allow all of us here, but even if we take shifts to be with you, then we will.”
“You guys don’t have to do that. I have Ryder.” I hoped I’d be released by then. I really looked forward to getting home and back to normal.
“Well, you know us… we don’t care what you say,” Ricky said with a cheeky grin. “Also, the nurse we hired will be waiting for you once you get home.”
“I meant to talk to you about that. Now that I live with Ryder, that’s not necessary.”
They exchanged a glance before Cooper said, “Humor us. Even if she comes for a few hours a day. We’ll feel better.”
“Okay,” I said, knowing Ryder wouldn’t be happy with someone else caring for me full-time.
“And we can’t wait for you to meet the girls.”
“Me too,” I said as cheerfully as I could muster.
When I leaned my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes—really to shield them from the sadness I felt—they took that as a sign of exhaustion.
“We’ll let you rest.” Cooper leaned closer and kissed my forehead, Ricky followed suit, and no sooner had they walked out than the tears began again.
Despair hit hard over the dire reality that the girls could be the only children I ever carried. Emotional exhaustion hit harder from the deluge of tears I shed over what I’d been through and lost. Did I really lose something I never really wanted? I didn’t know. It was overwhelming, and I was too tired to pick apart the psychology of it all.
Yet, despite my fatigue, sleep never came.
On Thanksgiving morning, I shuffled into the condo, trying not to grimace from the pain. Scattered around my living room were the floral arrangements Ryder had taken home the night before. Aesthetically they were a gorgeous welcome, but it wasn’t their scent that had assaulted me.
“It smells amazing in here,” I said, catching a whiff of the dinner he had hired a cook to make for us. The woman smiled from where she whipped what appeared to be mashed potatoes. “I have a small turkey baking, and a small roast beef… just in case.”
Surprisingly, the mention