did as he asked but only for them to slam shut a second later. Nothing registered, and I had no idea where I was. If opening them couldn’t happen, if speaking couldn’t, either, then I needed to focus on trying to squeeze his hand again. As he coaxed, gently kissing my hand that was entwined with his, I repeated the motion. “Yes, baby. I felt that. I feel you. You’re almost there.”
“She’s close,” the woman’s voice said. “It shouldn’t be too much longer.”
“Is there anything I can do to help her?”
“Keep talking to her,” she responded. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
It all felt like a cruel joke. Who was that? Where was I?
I tried to conjure the memories that were buried in the back of my mind. Hazy dreams came to mind, but I couldn’t remember specific details. Horrible contractions, everything seemed normal, and then everything became rushed. I remembered the OR. I remembered Cooper holding my hand. His smiling through tears when first one baby came, then another. Suddenly, those in scrubs began demanding things in panicked voices that I barely understood before everything went dark.
Dragging in another deep breath and wincing from the pain that sliced across my belly, I forced my eyes open. Ryder looked directly into them while smiling wide. “Hey, beautiful. I’ve missed you.”
Hearing him should have snapped me out of whatever it was I suffered from that prevented the simplest motor skills. Yet I was still unable to keep my eyes open. They once again fluttered shut, and sheer frustration helped me garner the strength to squeeze his hand to continue communicating that I was trying.
“I know, baby. I know. I’m not going anywhere. You take your time,” he said softly, caressing the back of my hand with his thumb.
Pure determination had the third attempt working. I lifted my lids to stare at Ryder. I could see tears shimmering in his blue eyes as he raised our hands and kissed the back of mine.
Afraid that if I looked away he’d vanish, I continued to stare as questions flooded my mind. Needing to hear what happened, I began to ask, “What… ,” but the rest of the words failed me. My mouth was so dry that I swallowed to bring some moisture to it before trying again. “What… happened?” In an instant, Ryder’s smile faded. I knew by the look on his face that whatever he was about to say caused him a tremendous amount of pain. “How are the girls? Are they okay?”
“They’re fine, baby. Do you remember anything?”
I went to admit that I did, but it came out as a croak instead. Lifting a shaky hand, I gripped my throat on another painful swallow. He quickly poured out a cupful, holding it closer. The relief was instant, and I was able to say, “After they were born, something went wrong.” Before I could add anything else, Dr. White walked in with a nurse close behind.
“Riana.” She came to the other side of my bed and shined a small flashlight into my eyes. “Can you follow the light?” My eyes tracked the movement as she slid it back and forth. “Great. Are you in pain?”
I nodded. “When I… breathe in.”
“Your pain meds will alleviate it very soon. Do you remember your delivery?”
“Barely.” With her eyes trained on my face, I waited for her to fill me in on the pieces I couldn’t put together on my own.
“Well, as I explained to Ryder, you had a placenta accreta.” My brow creasing forced her to explain. “The placenta attached to your uterine wall, probably sometime in the last few weeks.” She ran through the reasons that would happen and explained it was usually not something preventable or even detectable.
“Will I…” I stopped to look at Ryder, who hung on my words. But I needed to know. “Will I be able to have children of my own?”
Dr. White, understanding my concern, squeezed my hand. “We won’t know the extent of the damage to your uterus until you heal. If you carry your own child, a C-section would be imperative. If not, there are, as you know, many other options for you. Your ovaries are fine, so other possibilities are available to you.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Let’s get you back to normal first before we worry about all that.”
“Okay,” I said, avoiding Ryder’s questioning eyes.
Dr. White gave directives to the nurse beside her regarding diet and medication. She then scribbled something in my chart and