heart swelled, warming with his little speech. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Phil. Just you.”
Sleep was rough.
As I hauled my ass out of bed the next morning, I realized that it sucked having my bed all to myself.
After Phil and I had hung up last night around three in the morning, I’d tossed and turned, needing to feel his huge warm body sleeping next to me. Without him, it was as though I couldn’t settle down.
Sheri was all smiles as she joined me on the porch for morning yoga.
The bitch.
Hell, she looked adorable, all puffy-eyed from her five hours of solid sleep. I was sure I resembled the ogre I felt on the inside. An hour of yoga had us both stretched out, warmed up, and ready for whatever we had to accomplish for the day.
“Good morning, Lucy,” I called out as I walked into the clinic, hearing Jack Johnson playing his soothing groovy tunes.
“Good morning, Dr. MacGregor.”
It was just another day at work. I was hoping exhaustion was causing my lack of enthusiasm and irritability with having to be here and not the suppressed thoughts of a woman who suddenly found herself dissatisfied with her career.
Right before my lunch break, I got a text from Your Phil.
Call me if you’re free. I love you. <3
“Hey, Baby Girl.” His voice sounded so sweet amid the buzzing of tattoo machines in the background.
“Hey,” I replied, hearing the dejected note in my own voice.
“What’s wrong?”
“I miss you,” I snapped.
He chuckled warmly on his end.
“It’s not funny. I couldn’t fall asleep last night.”
“Me neither. I just lay there, wishin’ you were next to me.”
“It isn’t right, Phil,” I stated, sounding annoyed. “It’s not healthy to be so codependent on someone.”
“Oh, well. It is what it is. Honestly…I kinda like it.”
“You would,” I retorted all grumpy.
He sighed. “I know. But as not right as it might seem, maybe it just means that you ’n’ me are very, very right.”
“Maybe,” I conceded. “How’s the tattoo coming along?”
“Great. We should be done in a couple of hours, and then I’m headin’ home to you.”
“What is it?”
I could practically hear him smiling through the phone.
“You’ll see.”
“Ass.”
“I’m your ass, so get used to it.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Anythin’ else botherin’ you?”
How in hell does he know me so well?
“Not really. Just grumpy overall, I suppose.”
“Kenna…”
“Phil. Really, it’s nothing I need to talk about, okay?”
“You can tell me anythin’, you know that.”
“I do. I just don’t know exactly what it is myself, so it can wait until I’m ready to talk about it.”
“Just say it.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Heaving a sigh, I closed my eyes and whispered, “I’m starting to question my choice of career, and I blame you. I was perfectly happy where I was until you started forcing me to analyze my life and question my contentment. I’m upset because I used to really want to do this, and I don’t know what to do because I can’t quit—not now, not after everything, and…”
“And?”
“Just and, okay? There’s more to this than just not being able to quit. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do here, and I’m pissed at you for doing this to me.”
“I love you, Kenna. Whatever you want to do, I’ll help you, okay?”
“I don’t even know what it is I want to do, Phil. I…I’m starting to feel as though I wasted six years of my life, and the money…”
“Don’t worry about it, Kenna Baby. Just keep doin’ what you’re doin’ until you figure it out, okay? I’ll be home soon, and I’ll kiss you and make you feel better.”
“If only it were that easy.”
“It can be if you let it.”
“Sure, sure. I’ll see you later.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Gavin and I grabbed a quick bite from a sub shop down the street and ended up eating our sandwiches at the picnic bench outside of the clinic.
“Do you see yourself doing this indefinitely?” I asked him.
“What? Therapy?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged. “It’s good for me right now. Haven’t given it much thought. Why?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve put myself through a lot to get to this point, and I’m not even sure if it’s what I want to do anymore. How fucked up is that?”
“Is it because of Phil?”
“No. Well, I think he’s made me realize it just a little sooner than not, you know? I’m just questioning everything, I guess.”
“You have worked really hard, Kenna. You earned this practice, and you are brilliant at what you do. Just…keep that in mind. Maybe once things even out for