a cute messy knot, I then slipped on a pair of flip-flops.
“I’ll let you know how everything goes later,” I told Alys as I made my way for the side gate.
“I’m counting on it.” She laughed. “Tell Sigmund not to make him cry.”
My da knew about Phil because I’d given him the rundown on Wednesday. Gloria had blabbed to him that I finally had a boyfriend. I thought they’d both thought that maybe Alys and I were going to come out of the closet eventually, and the news that I wasn’t a lesbian had been a little bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure either of them realized that when they’d met Brian, he had actually been my bed-buddy, not just my friend.
Da had bitched that it was bad enough that Connor was a moody musician, so he didn’t know why I felt the need to bring another one into the family.
“A musician? Aw, hell, Kenna! They’re worse than raggin’ teenagers, what with their bitchy attitudes! Can’ ye find a normal mon, like a mechanic or summat?”
“Phil’s the one I fell in love with, Da.”
“Ah, Jaysus. Ye’re in love then?”
“Yep.”
“But…what if he can’ do nuthin’ wi’ his music? Ye gonna support his moody ass then?”
“He’s an extremely successful musician, Da. No worries there.”
I hadn’t gone into detail about Phil, but Da had seemed impressed when I mentioned Phil could afford to do whatever in the hell pleased him. At least Da wouldn’t feel the need to chase off a gold-digger boyfriend.
Letting myself into Phil’s half though the side door, I made my way upstairs to find my boyfriend pulling a white tank top over his head. I dumped my bag on the floor next to the bathroom and sat on the bed.
“Kenna! What the hell?” His smoothly shaven face looked both pissed and completely terrified.
“I told you I needed to shower. Da said about an hour, and it only takes fifteen minutes to drive there, so calm your ass.”
“I’m out of toothpaste!” he man-whined. “Please tell me you picked some up yesterday.”
“It’s in my bag—”
Planting a fat kiss on my mouth before grabbing the Burlap Beast and rummaging through it, Phil extracted the tube and rushed into the bathroom. I heard the water running and him scrubbing at his teeth.
“You don’t have anything to worry about, babe. Da’s really a sweet guy. I mean, yeah, he’ll try to bust your balls, but I think all dads are supposed to do that.”
He popped into the doorframe, brush scrubbing viciously at his teeth. “He’s gonna fuckin’ hate me. You know that, right? I’m the rude, huge tattooed motherfucker who pounds his sweet little girl on a daily basis.”
“Ha-ha, yeah, you are.”
Yanking the toothbrush out of his mouth, he stared at it with a confused expression. “This paste tastes like shit.”
“Hey, just because it’s organic doesn’t mean it tastes like shit. It tastes like any other toothpaste.”
“It tastes like fuckin’ cough syrup.”
“What?”
“Cherry cough syrup. Fuck…my fuckin’ tongue…” He turned around and marched back to the sink. Then, he showed up with the most horrified look on his face, holding up a red-and-white tube…of cherry-flavored numbing ass lube.
“What the fuck?” he screeched.
“Oh, damn.”
“I can’t fuckin’ feel my face!”
I lost it. I was laughing so hard that I might have been in danger of rupturing an ab muscle.
“What are you doin’ with this shit in your bag?”
“Oh, gods above…” I gasped for air.
Phil chucked the tube and his toothbrush against a wall in the bathroom, and the faucet was going again.
“Fuck! It’s just spreadin’!” he roared.
Snorting, wheezing, and choking, I laughed so hard that I ached.
“It ain’t fuckin’ funny!” he yelled.
No, this was fucking hilarious, fucking hysterical. I had never experienced a situation that was funnier in my entire life than this one right here. It was so fucking funny I went into Alys laughter mode, unable to breathe.
He stormed into his closet, rummaging around for something, and came back out, shrugging on a short-sleeved white-brown-and-blue plaid button-down shirt. He had dark brown Dickies pants on and his black leather belt with a buckle that was a massive silver horseshoe.
Phil looked down on me with the most thunderous expression on his face. “Quit fuckin’ laughin’. I can’t feel my mouth for shit.”
Like that’s going to help me!
I broke out in fresh peals of laughter.
“Oh my God, I think I hate you,” he grumped. He grabbed my bag, looking for the actual toothpaste. He disappeared once more into the bathroom and emerged a few minutes later,