done with my life since I saw her shining in an ocean of faces. I couldn’t take it back, and I didn’t want to. The weight that had been pressing down on me all these years was gone. If she couldn’t see past it, at least I wasn’t carrying it anymore.
Who am I kiddin’? I’ll be fuckin’ destroyed if she leaves me. I’m nothin’ without her.
I heard her move, heard her get to her feet, and I was so fuckin’ terrified. I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head in my hands. I didn’t wanna see her walking away from me. I didn’t wanna see how ashamed she was of me.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!
Kenna, my beautiful woman…I felt her come closer, could feel her beating in time with my heart. She stood before me and crouched down. I could smell her, and fuck, she smelled so good—clean and pure, a light musk that never failed to arouse every fuckin’ atom in my body.
“Phil…” Her voice had the texture of cream.
I could feel it when she spoke. Soft, deep, and husky, she sounded smooth and buttery all the time.
“Yeah, Baby Girl,” I wondered when the devastation would hit me.
This woman had put up with some serious shit because of me. I was a fuckin’ wack job. I knew that. I was always flying off the handle over stupid shit, freaking out at the slightest hint that she might want out.
And now…
“Look at me,” she commanded.
Fuck me. Every fiber of me wanted to do everything and anything she ever asked of me.
“I can’t,” I told her, my voice breaking up into splintered bits as I desperately tried to hold back the fuckin’ floodgates.
She must think I’m the biggest fuckin’ pussy. I cry in front of her all the fuckin’ time. I think I’ve cried more since I found her than I have the past six fuckin’ years.
Well, no. Maybe not that much.
Her hands reached in between mine, and she cradled my face, lifting me…but I couldn’t open my eyes.
“Please…” she whispered.
Oh God, please let her forgive me. Please, please, I will do anythin’. Just don’t make me live without her again.
My eyes opened and met her solid clear gaze. Inside her, I could see quiet waters with tiny ripples…so cool, so peaceful, and sweet. The breeze within her was like the Breath of Life itself. I didn’t see condemnation. Bruised undercurrents surged beneath those waters, not forgiveness…just acceptance.
“Oh God, Kenna,” I choked, my chest feeling as though I would suddenly burst. Dry hot sobs were trapped in there, fighting to get out.
And she smiled at me! Her gentle, calm, soothing smile, and I was undone. I started shaking, and the floodgates busted wide open.
Kenna pulled me into her arms, held me to her, as my fuckin’ huge ass crashed to my knees before her.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry!” I whispered.
“Shh…” She stroked her hand over my face, dropping a kiss on my head.
She was so strong, strong enough to hold me and rock me like a babe in her arms, while I howled like a broken little boy.
“It’s all right,” she assured me. “It’s okay.”
“How? How is it okay?”
“Because, even knowing what I do, I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
That’s why she’s my Baby Girl.
She always knew just what to fuckin’ say to make my world make sense.
Kenna
“Come on,” I prompted, hugging him tight before pushing him back. “I want to wash this shit off me.”
Phil sat back on his heels and finally looked down into my eyes. What I saw in there was a sense of peace I had never seen in them before. It was enchanting to witness. Those areas that had been so deeply shadowed were surrendering to his blazing light.
We simply stared into one another for a few minutes. I let myself be open to him, understanding that he needed that the most. All the self-loathing, the hatred, the anguish he had carried with him…the load of it had lightened.
“Can you forgive me?” he asked.
“There’s nothing for me to forgive.”
“I mean…about not tellin’ you. I guess I should’ve told you about all this before.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. What’s important is that you have now, and it helps me to understand you better.”
He grinned sadly. “Are you sayin’ I’m a complicated man?”
“Hmm…” I grinned back. “I suppose that’s one way of putting it.”
Getting to my feet, I reached my hands out for his, and he took them. We made our way to the bathroom, and I started