a jacket or shoes. If I do, someone may restrain me.
Rain falls like fat tears from the sky and stings my bare skin. Mud seeps between my toes. And deep in my soul, my heart burns. Currents of energy pulse through my body and I know what’s happening: my power is surging. I’m becoming what I’ve feared.
Don’t forget me, how I was before the Darkness took me.
Where are you? Beck says through the noisy clutter in my brain.
When I don’t respond, he says, Please tell me where you are. I’ll come for you.
My fingers slip as I stick them into the crevices of the stone wall separating Mother’s house from the Presidio. I heft myself over the wall and run, barefoot, toward the Bay.
With each step, my mind becomes more focused. The only way to stop this is if I’m dead. Then I can’t hurt anyone else. Beck will live. Ryker’s life won’t be ruined.
I have to die. It’s the only way out.
In the distance, waves slam into the rocky shoreline. The water where the Bay meets the ocean froths from the violent undercurrents. All I would have to do is throw myself from the cliff and it would all be over. My body would bob in the surf, broken from the impact. Perhaps Mother would send someone to recover me and they could hold a funeral instead of a binding.
I collapse under the giant redwood, my heart too broken to go on, and roll onto my back. There is no sun anymore, only grayness and destruction.
I’m doomed to hurt everyone around me. Lena was only the start.
“Come, Lark. You’ll freeze to death.” I’m remotely aware of Mother touching my shoulder gently.
I don’t move. Layers of ice cover my heart and my limbs savior the numbness.
Time passes and rain soaks through my clothes until I’m drenched. I close my eyes and the pain lessens.
I’m here waiting. For someone or something to take me.
A flutter in my heart.
You need to get up and do this. For both of us. Beck’s voice is so clear he could be whispering in my ear. I don’t want to live in a world without you. No matter what you are.
I wipe the back of my hand across my face. Leave me alone.
Fight, Birdie. If not for you, than for me. I’m begging you.
At Summer Hill, I thought I was strong. I believed I could overcome whatever awaited Beck and me.
But now, I see how foolish I was. Last night should never have happened. I should have forced him away. Because now he’ll never leave me. I made him promise and now I need him to undo it.
I don’t love you, I lie. I lie and my heart sputters.
He doesn’t say anything.
24
I don’t recall coming in from the rain. Or being dressed.
I keep my hands firmly against my lips as I’m marched from my bedroom to the foyer. The harder I press, the deeper I shove the sobs back, locking them inside me.
Why are you doing this? Beck’s voice invades my brain. Do you think lying to me will make things easier?
Mother’s staff and my guards have gathered in the foyer. When Oliver announces me, all heads turn toward the top of the stairs where I stand in a stiff dress that constricts my breathing.
Why won’t you answer me? Beck sounds wild and not at all like his normal collected self. I bite my lip to keep it from trembling. I can’t cry in front of the crowd. At least not the type of tears I want to shed.
Callum waits for me at the bottom. Mother will meet us at the Binding Hall.
“Don’t forget to smile.” Kyra squeezes my hand. “And be graceful. Smile. Wave. ”
When I continue to stare blankly, she pushes ups the corners of my mouth. “Try.”
I sigh.
Oliver throws the thick glass doors open. A riot of joyous shouts erupts as my name is chanted with a maddening frenzy.
My eyes roam over the lined walkway, searching for a place to flee even though I know it’s of no use. This is happening.
The cheers grow louder and Kyra squeezes my hand again. “They love you, Lark.”
I shuffle my limp body forward. One step, then another. Beneath the tight lacing of my dress, my chest heaves and I choke back a sob.
Time doesn’t move. It spins and bends and stretches infinitely before me like a bad nightmare.
Nothing can soothe my pain.
But my pain is nothing compared to the despair Beck sends coursing through me. Everything