them helps me not to feel so alone.”
Serik drags his hands down his face. “That came out wrong. I’m not asking you to turn your back on them. Of course I’d never want that. I’m just asking you not to turn your back on me, as you have Ghoa—to hell with your former life and everyone in it.” His voice is small and cracked, and he adds, “Have you truly felt alone all this time?”
My indignation dries up instantly.
I take him by the hands and look into his eyes, worming my way into the innermost part of his soul, like he did to me on our journey to Qusbegi. “I haven’t turned my back on anyone. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I want to work with you and Ghoa and the Shoniin. Ending this war will require all of us coming together. I know you’re angry with Temujin for keeping you detained, and you have every right to be, but I’m not asking you to trust him. I’m asking you to trust me. This is the chance we’ve always dreamed of—all those days we spent lying in the grass. We can finally make the king, and all of Ashkar, see that we’re good enough. That we’ve always been good enough.”
Serik gazes back at me from beneath his brows. His eyes are the same murky green-brown they’ve always been, but now they look different. Vacant. As if a curtain has been drawn shut, and I’m on the outside. “In my dreams, we were free in our realm. Not some otherworldly hideout surrounded by deserters. And I don’t give a damn what the king thinks. Why should we risk our necks to help him and the people now when they’ve made it perfectly clear this isn’t our battle? They don’t want us. We aren’t warriors.”
But that’s where Serik’s wrong.
I will always be a warrior. I will always prefer a saber to a cooking pot. A quiet life, tending a flock of sheep, will never fill me with the same buzzing in my limbs and ringing in my ears as charging toward the enemy. The Lady of the Sky blessed me with a portion of Her power. She trusted me to use it to protect Her land and people. I cannot shirk my responsibility. And I don’t want to. I have finally unburied Enebish the Warrior. I finally feel like myself again. I’m not ready to give that up. Not now.
Not ever.
“I can’t run away. It’s not who I am.” I look up at Serik, not begging, but with a steady gaze and firm jaw. A girl who knows where she stands. A girl who hopes her best friend will choose to stand beside her. “I don’t think it’s who you are either. Apologize for burning the supply shack and pledge your loyalty….”
“I can’t.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I scrape it away with a vicious swipe. “You can’t or you won’t?”
“I won’t. Temujin is a damned snake charmer, mesmerizing all of you with his noble promises and flashing that flawless smile so no one will suspect when he strikes. I don’t know what he’s really up to, but I won’t be part of it.”
“So where does that leave us?” I ask.
Serik adjusts his cloak and takes a step back. “I’ll go my way, and you’ll go yours.”
“Where will you even go?
Serik shrugs. “Anywhere is better than here.”
“But it’s not! If you return to Ashkar, Ghoa will be hunting you. And Temujin has scouts everywhere. If they realize you’re alive, they’ll do whatever it takes to silence you. You know too much; you could compromise the location of the Ram’s Head.” My hands flutter like frantic birds. I have to bury them in my tunic to keep them from digging their talons into Serik’s wrist.
“Except they know I would never endanger you. We may not be on the same side of this dispute, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” His eyes find mine, peering at me from beneath his lashes, and a thick knot of emotion lodges in my throat. I part my lips to tell him I don’t know what he’s talking about, that I don’t know how he feels about me, but that would be a lie because I do know.
I have known for a long time.
It’s written in his every action: the long, charged looks when I swear he can see straight into the core of me; the amused, knowing smirks and