the darkness …
My heartbeat throbs at my temples. Serik’s bluffing; it’s just a clever lie. I would have seen Ghoa arrive. I was on the rooftop all night.
And you were so consumed by the darkness that you wouldn’t have seen your own hand waving in front of your face.
I gape up at Serik, praying he’ll flash me a quick smile or wink. But he continues glaring at the other acolytes until they finally retreat toward the assembly hall, their lips curled into gloating sneers.
Then it’s just Serik and me, gulping back the chilly morning air. He exhales and scrubs his palm over his head, tugging at phantom locks of floppy brown hair. His hair was shaved to the scalp when he joined the brotherhood, like every acolyte at Ikh Zuree, and I’m still not used to it. Neither, apparently, is he. Though it does make his chin look stronger, the angles of his face sharper. Less like the boy I grew up with and more like a man.
“Thank you,” I say, panting. “That was a brilliant lie. Though they’ll find out soon enough and make you pay for it.”
There’s a long beat of silence before Serik looks down at me. His lips are pressed into a thin line and his cheeks are so pale, his light brown freckles look like peppercorns. “It wasn’t a lie.”
I scrabble to my feet and spin around, as if Ghoa might materialize behind us in the courtyard. “When did she arrive? And why?” I add in an anxious whisper.
“Just this morning. And I don’t know why. Do you?” He shoots me a meaningful look, then glances up at the temple rooftop. “What were you doing up there, En?”
“I just needed some air.” The thought of having to admit, even to Serik, how desperate I feel and how reckless I’ve become makes my cheeks burn. He’s no lover of rules, but even he would scold me. Or pity me. Or worse, think me a thankless wretch.
Serik crosses his arms and narrows his hazel eyes. They’re the same color as the grass poking through the frost, which is convenient, as I’d rather stare at the ground than answer his questions. He clears his throat loudly, but I keep my eyes fixed on the dirt. Finally he lets out a dramatic sigh and pats the cherry-sized lump on his forehead. “Do you think the abba will believe it’s from spending so much time with my head to the floor in prayer?”
I bark out a laugh. “Not a chance. You are the worst monk at Ikh Zuree.”
“That’s the finest compliment you’ve ever given me.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.”
“Exactly.” Serik grins—a rare, true smile he once shared with every gardener and chambermaid when we were carefree wards running wild on Ghoa’s parents’ estate. A smile I’ve only seen a handful of times at Ikh Zuree.
“She’s really here?” I knot my hands and look toward the assembly hall. Part of me wants to sprint across the compound and fling myself into her arms. I’ve dreamed of this moment every day for two years. Missed her every day for two years. But the other part of me is sweating and trembling and compulsively licking my lips. Blood thunders in my ears, beating a frantic refrain: She knows, she knows, she knows.
“She’s really here,” Serik affirms.
“And she summoned me?”
He nods once.
It feels like the ground is rolling beneath my feet. I reach out and steady myself on Serik’s shoulder. “Come with me?” I beg.
“I think I’d rather attend morning services.”
“You would not.”
“You’re right.” He tilts his head back with a groan. “Both prospects are equally horrendous.”
I consider swatting him but decide I’ve injured him enough for one day. “I’m the one who should be dreading this. You have no reason to—”
“Oh, I have plenty of reasons,” he interjects. “Ghoa’s going to be as fake and infuriating as always, pretending to be a doting mother hen so she can bend us to her will.”
I roll my eyes. “Ghoa has only ever tried to help us. And she’s your cousin. Practically your sister.”
Serik mumbles something about family and obligation and already having a skull-splitting headache, but he dusts off the black cloak with the golden sunbursts he always wears over his robes and then waves me toward the assembly hall. “Fine. But I won’t pretend to be happy to see her.”
CHAPTER TWO
THE TOWERING BLACK DOORS OF THE ASSEMBLY HALL SWING inward. Ready to swallow me.
I dig my nails into Serik’s forearm as we step into the