the furniture around.”
“What are you guys doing here?”
“This is an intervention!” Casey holds up a finger for emphasis.
“Oh dear god.”
I give up on the pictures and throw the level onto the couch. I contemplate moving it back so they can sit and then decide it can stay. Maybe if they have to sit at an awkward angle in the middle of the floor they’ll go away. I head into the kitchen.
“Wait, where are you going?” Casey asks. She kneels to pet Oreo who has come padding out of the bedroom at the sound of voices.
“This situation requires coffee.”
Mya takes a seat at the kitchen island. While the coffee is brewing, I grab a bag of chips for her and then stand on tiptoe to reach the top cabinet for the gross little pecan wheel thingies Casey likes to snack on.
“You’ve been busy,” Mya comments looking around the room.
“Hello, Ariana. How have you been? You look ravishing as always,” I say in a high-pitched voice.
“Is that supposed to be me?” Mya snickers.
“No, that’s Casey. You’re more like this,” I clear my throat and lower my voice. “Bitch, why is this room so messy?”
Mya laughs. “Do I have laryngitis?”
Casey crosses her arms. “This is serious. We’re worried about you. You haven’t been yourself lately.”
“By that she means you’ve been really quiet and well-behaved,” Mya chimes in.
“I’m fine, guys. No intervention needed.” I pour myself a cup of coffee and inhale the orgasmic scent. “This is the only thing I need right here.”
Mya takes a chip from the bag and eats it with a loud crunch.
“You’ve been weird since the engagement party. Don’t try to deny it. You barely said two words all night.”
I take a long bracing sip of coffee. They both stare expectantly. I sigh. Clearly they aren’t going away.
“Maybe it’s not so easy to be around all these happy couples. Did you ever think of that? Everyone is pairing off. You’ve got Happy Hour Hottie. Casey’s with Mr. Instagram.”
Casey looks devastated. “Oh my god. We should have realized–”
Mya scoffs. “Ariana. You expect me to believe that crap?”
“Mya! She’s pouring out her feelings here.” Casey crosses her arms.
She’s so adorable.
“I’m just kidding. Guys, nothing is wrong. I’m just horny. I need to get laid.”
“There it is,” Mya waves her hand triumphantly.
Casey looks disappointed.
Mya crunches another chip. “Okay, things are starting to make sense. But why haven’t you taken care of the problem, Oh Queen of Dildo Land?”
I snicker to myself. I have always maintained an impressive sex toy collection. But that’s not the point.
“You two don’t understand because you’ve got good dick available when you need it. But sometimes there’s no substitute for the real thing. Some of us are in a drought, okay? It’s not fair to brag about your sex storms while I’m dying of thirst!”
“That metaphor makes no sense.” Mya crunches another chip.
“I should have come back to visit more,” Casey laments. “I’ve been such a bad friend. You’re here all alone.”
“Yes, I’m a pathetic spinster,” I say drily.
“Oh no, that’s not what I meant!”
Mya laughs. “She’s trolling you, Casey. Ariana doesn’t care about getting married. She’s going to live to one hundred and still be fabulous as hell and buy our kids really expensive, noisy presents.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
Mya gets up then, but not before taking a few more chips from the bag. She gives both of us a hug.
“I’ve got to run. Now that we know you aren’t dying, I have to get back to work.”
My heart sinks down to my knees at her words. I smile weakly. “Not dying.”
Casey takes her seat at the counter after Mya leaves. She watches quietly as I clean up the chips Mya left all over the counter.
“I should be asking how you are doing? Are you getting excited? Nervous? The big day will be here before you know it.”
Casey clasps her hands together in excitement. “I know! I can’t wait to see my dress. Andre is putting the final touches on it now.”
“Comes in handy to be marrying one of the hottest designers in the world, huh?”
Her eyes soften. “I’d marry that man in a potato sack.”
“I really am happy for you.”
She squeezes my hand. “I want you to be happy, too. Maybe I can hook you up. Andre has so many friends.”
“No blind dates.”
“Come on, it’ll be fun. We’re already hosting a dinner this weekend just so I can invite Philippe and Anya over at the same time. Playing Cupid is so much fun.”
The mug I’m holding