you, I’m risking damaging you, breaking you, ruining you. So I have to push the temptation away. Sometimes the temptation gets to be too much, like last night or the night at my place in college. I just have to keep reminding myself of my place.”
“Well, the damage has already been done, right?”
He laughs. “You’re not getting me with that one again.”
“Okay, Carson. What if I said that you’re taking advantage of me. You’re kissing me in a moment of weakness and it’s hurting me; it’s wreaking havoc on my emotions. Then what?”
His jaw flexes and I see his Adam’s apple bob in this throat. “I don’t want to hurt you, Felicity.”
“What would you do then?”
“I guess I’d have no choice but to pack up and go home and put some distance between us so you can heal without me breaking you even more.”
“And what? We’d just never be allowed in the same room at the same time again?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know that what I’m doing is right, but I know preserving our friendship can’t be wrong.”
I’m clearly not getting through to him. An idea hits me. He always says that he can’t deny me when I ask him for something when I smile and bat my lashes. “What if I asked you to fuck me?”
He looks over at me so fast I’m surprised his head didn’t fly off his neck. I look at him from beneath my lashes.
“It doesn’t have to be anything serious. It can just be a fling, some fun between two friends for one night. Would you then?”
“Don’t push me, Felicity.”
I let out a heavy breath.
“You think I’m some kind of saint. That I can withstand every want and need I have. I can’t. I will break eventually, and I’d hate to hurt you in the process.”
I shake my head and look back out the window. Clearly, we’re not getting anywhere like this.
We make it to town square and the place is bustling with townspeople. Everyone is here, ice skating, enjoying the carriage rides, hot chocolate, and gift buying in the Christmas Market they set up every year. We find a parking spot and we both climb out. We meet behind the car and I reach over and take his hand. He looks at me, but lets it go. This isn’t anything we haven’t done before. In big crowds or when one of us was upset, we’d always hold hands so we didn’t get separated or just to ground the other person.
We walk hand in hand to the center of the town square and he pays for us both to ice skate. We take our skates to a bench and sit down to put them on.
“You never told me why,” he says, stealing my attention away from me untangling my skate lace.
“Why what?”
“Why me? Why do you want this so much? I mean, I’m nothing special. In fact, I’m the opposite of special.”
I shake my head as our eyes meet. “Carson, I’ve known since I was seven years old that you were the boy I was meant to love. You don’t see what I see when I look at you. You see a kid who got into too much trouble growing up. You see a boy who was basically left behind by his parents, forgotten about because their troubles seemed more important than yours. I see a friend who has been by my side through thick and thin.” I start putting on my skates.
“I see someone who has put my happiness above your own. Someone who has always taken care of me, protected me, even when I didn’t make it easy for you. And you know what?” I look at him and he looks at me. “I’m perfect for you too. I’ve been the one by your side. I’ve kept you out of trouble. I’ve kept you grounded. And I’ve been patient. I’ve waited for you. I waited while you explored your options with every other girl. I waited while you went off and did what you needed to do to get you to where you wanted to be. But if you’re not ready, I’ll keep waiting until you are. How many other people can you say that about?”
This time, it looks like I’ve gotten through to him. His eyes are unmoving as he watches me. His jaw is flexed and he’s breathing heavy. But I don’t give him time to respond or argue. I want him to think, really think, so I stand up