the edge of the pool, extending a life preserver, while Sarah struggled at the end of the pool, her head bobbing up and down … wait. Not Sarah. Becky.
It took a second to analyze the situation.
Sarah was trying to save Becky, who bobbed up and down and was taking my eldest under in the process.
Sarah spat up water, going under again, coming up for air and reaching for Becky, who was flailing and splashing, her body and hands erratic.
My instincts kicked in, and I jumped in, fully clothed.
“Sarah, I have her,” I shouted, motioning for Sarah to get to the side, to safety.
I treaded to Becky, reaching for her waist, but she struggled and pushed at my chest and went underwater. I pulled her up by her swimsuit, but she slapped at my hands.
“Becky … stop!”
I spit out the water that had been splashed in my face and reached for her waist again—with force this time. In the process, her hands pushed down my shoulders as she tried to elevate herself above me to cough out the water in her lungs.
I closed my eyes and held my breath as my head was submerged. Then, I popped back up, and determination set deep in my skin. With one hand wrapped tightly around her, I swam us both to the side. I lifted her out of the water, where she dropped on all fours, coughing and choking up water.
My body felt twenty pounds heavier, as my polo shirt and pants were weighted down with water. A second later, I bent down, heart still racing but knowing that my kids were okay. I had to assess Becky. Who knew if she needed medical attention? The fact that she was coughing meant she was breathing, which was good.
“You’re okay,” I repeated to her, but I felt as though it was mostly for me.
When the coughing ceased, she took big, deep, breaths.
“Hey …” I said, my voice hoarse.
She stood and jumped on me, startling me. Arms around my neck, legs wrapped around my waist, sobbing uncontrollably into my neck.
I was surprised at the contact.
And my heart broke, hearing her endless cries.
My arms went around her, and I squeezed her tightly against me. “You’re fine. I have you, Becky. You’re fine.”
Her sobs accelerated, and she ducked her head into the crook of my neck.
I backed up and sat on the lounge chair behind me. “Sarah, get me a towel.”
When Becky’s cries heightened, she was practically convulsing, but my grip only tightened.
“Becky … everything will be okay.”
I wrapped the towel around her, around the both of us, and tucked her in closer. Words flew out of my mouth, fast and furious. I didn’t know if it was my adrenaline talking or what, but when my hand made it to the crook of her neck, keeping her in place, I knew in that moment that I never wanted her to leave, that in my arms was where she belonged.
“I’ll take care of you. You’ll be okay.” Because she would be. I’d make sure of it.
Her body molded into mine, and I gripped at the wet fabric of her swimsuit, digging my fingers into her waist.
Suddenly, an overwhelming emotion washed over me, making my breathing rampant, and a lump formed in my throat.
Relief.
Yes. That was what it was. Undeniable, full-on relief that she was safe.
Fuck, if I had lost her …
I couldn’t even let my mind go there. It was too impossible, too overwhelming.
Brad walked out, eyes wide, a moment later. “What happened?”
Panic struck his features, but I shook my head.
“Everything is okay. Can you get Sarah and Mary inside? Sarah can fill you in.” I pointed back to the house.
He picked up my shell-shocked Mary, still very wet, and carried her inside. She soaked Brad’s clothes, but he didn’t care. Sarah followed him in, giving us concerned glances as she went.
Once we were alone, I kissed Becky’s forehead, brushing her hair from her face. I let the relief flood me and just reminded myself that she was still here. Still breathing, heart still beating, blood still pumping. Still beautiful, still perfect, and still in my arms.
But I couldn’t dispel the idea of losing her. I wouldn’t be able to survive another loss … and not any loss—her.
And that was when I knew … I loved her. With my whole heart. Even with her secrets and my fears and the unknown, that love only burned brighter, stronger inside of me.
There was no going back from these feelings. I’d been