the weight of the company and my girls’ lives were on my shoulders.
“Because it’s easier … it’s easier to give in to the darkness than wake up.” Her voice was so quiet, as though she were only speaking to herself.
In that moment of silence, where my brown eyes locked with her sparkling green ones, I felt close to her. I hadn’t felt a closeness like this with anyone in a long time. I understood her on an intimate level because those were the same exact words I’d almost said before she said it first—that sometimes, it would be easier to just let the darkness swallow you whole.
Chapter 15
Becky
During the weekdays, we fell into the motions of almost domestic bliss, where I made breakfast and he made the girls’ lunches. The other men of the house would file downstairs just as Mary and Sarah were at the table, and we’d have breakfast together, as a family.
Brad and Mason weren’t there often, but they were there enough that when one was missing, it was noticed.
I enjoyed my busy day, but what I looked forward to the most was the evenings … when the house was dark and I’d tiptoe downstairs and Charles would be waiting for me with my glass of water already on my side of the table.
We’d been doing this for the past week. It was like our secret time together, kinda like a date but not really.
Was it crazy that I looked forward to us talking this way, meeting this way, connecting in the darkness?
I slipped into my regular spot, and tonight, there was a ghost of a smile on his face. It was refreshing, and it put me at ease.
“What?” Now, I was smiling like an idiot.
“It’s like we’re sneaking out like teenagers, but we’re really sneaking downstairs to get water.”
“Yeah.” I laughed softly so as not to wake anyone else. “It feels forbidden in the same way, but there is no way we can get in trouble with parents.”
“Did you do that?” he asked, his voice light. “Sneak out of the house?”
My gaze dropped to the table. “No.” I placed the glass to my lips and took a gulp. “If I was missing, no one would look for me. I’ve been on my own since I was fifteen.”
He rubbed at his brow. “You said you were in and out of the foster system.”
I’d given him little tidbits on our evening dates, but I’d never given him the whole story. “I was. But I didn’t stay in the system.” My fingers tapped against the glass. “Let’s just say, my last foster home was a bad experience. Tim … yeah … he was a handsy guy.”
The muscle in his jaw twitched, and his one hand formed a fist on the table.
I shook my head. “It never got that far, but I could imagine it would have if I hadn’t left.”
His whole body stiffened, and it was as though he weren’t breathing.
“Charles … I’m okay.” I placed a hand on his, my thumb massaging the top of his fist. “The things that have happened in my life have made me who I am today—strong, resilient, a fighter.”
His stare flickered to where we were connected and then back up to meet my eyes. “You’re the bravest woman I know.”
If only those words were true. If I were brave, I wouldn’t have run. If I were brave, I would have stayed and fought, and that motherfucker would be in jail.
My gaze went to my glass as I played with a bead of condensation. “I wish I saw myself how you see me.”
The corner of his mouth tipped up. “And I wish I saw myself how you see me.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. We were so alike that it was eerie. The difficulty, the tragedy, feeling all alone in the world yet having to be your own strength and getting through it, no matter what.
“Charles Brisken,” I said with a tip of my chin, “I see you how everyone in the world sees you. I see a man who has been through a lot, a man who has seen tragedy that would take the strongest of men down. But you … you stood up and have been fighting since day one. You have the most integrity and strength in any man that I’ve ever met or even heard of. So, take it, own it, and believe it because it’s true.”
He released a full-on breath, and the smile I rarely saw surfaced.