out over her tears.
Goddamn it, it was. It was her body. But we’d never done things that way, she and I. We’d always made the choices together. Even the choice that got us into this mess to begin with had been a joint decision.
The one fucking time I didn’t have a condom and had pulled out, and it hadn’t worked. Hell, I knew assholes whose only form of birth control was pulling out, and they’d never ended up getting anyone pregnant.
But that was all it had taken. One time. One fucking time.
Khiley and I had both known better. But Khiley had been wearing that gorgeous blue dress that made her eyes look like the sky instead of storm clouds, and we’d both had one too many, and the closest store with condoms had seemed hours away. So, I’d made love to her like we’d been making love since we’d figured out how all the pieces flowed together. Like the love we felt was even bigger when we were skin to skin, inside each other.
I’d been born to make sure Khiley Marie Abbott had everything she ever wanted in life, and I’d fucked it up by not walking five minutes to buy a goddamn condom. The rest of our senior year at UTK was now going to revolve around plans for a baby instead of plans for traveling.
Asia was probably out this summer, but next summer we could still swing it. The job she’d already claimed at the observatory was all about joint ventures with other observatories around the world. After I finished my student teaching and got a permanent position, I’d have the summers off as well. There was no reason we couldn’t still go. There wasn’t a reason we couldn’t bring a kid with us. Sure, it might make things more difficult. More steps. More luggage than our backpacks, but we could do it.
Our kid. The kid she wanted to end before it was even here, and my heart seemed to shatter into a thousand pieces at that thought. I’d rather give up the entire world than the baby we’d made. Anger washed over me again.
“That isn’t a choice, ’Ley!” I barked.
“I’m going to the appointment,” she said, her stubborn streak rearing its ugly head even as the tears continued to stream down her beautiful face.
I didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t know how to apologize and ask her not to kill our baby all at the same time. I didn’t know how to tell her that I had an engagement ring sitting wrapped on the desk in my room for her and tentative plans to get married over the summer at the observatory.
So, I did the thing I never did. I left her. I shoved my truck keys in her hand and stormed up the beaten path leading to my childhood home. Leaving her hurt me almost as much as the thought of her killing our baby. Almost. But I didn’t turn back. I couldn’t, because the thought chasing me was exactly the one she’d feared. Maybe this would change everything between us.
Khiley
MISTLETOE
“Slip into the games we play,
We're falling apart.”
Performed by Colbie Caillat
Written by Blue / Blue / Caillat
My heart tore into little pieces as Stephen walked away from me. He’d never walked away from me pissed before. He’d always stayed and ranted and raved and fumed until he or I finally relented, or we compromised, or we found a new solution to whatever it was that was eating at us. Those moments were rare because we hardly ever didn’t see eye to eye, and when we did fight, it usually lasted all of two minutes before we figured out a way to fix it.
Him walking away made the tears come harder and faster. I hated crying. It felt weak. Tears were for people who couldn’t cope, and I liked to think I was tougher than that. I liked to believe I was similar to my mama, who’d lived through many different losses with strength. I wanted to be that strong. To be Cam strong.
But I didn’t know if I could do this. Stephen walking away from me or the baby growing inside me. It was unfair. It was so stupid and unfair. I wanted to be mad at him for not putting a stupid condom on, but I couldn’t be. I’d begged him that night. I’d begged him to finish what he’d started after he’d run his hands over my skin and eased down