this?” I asked him. He couldn’t go back to playing college ball if he declared, whether or not he got an offer. Whether or not he played at all. Football was his whole world. I wasn’t sure what he’d do if it didn’t work out.
“I am,” he said. “What about you?”
I looked up, surprised. “What do you mean?”
“What’s your plan?”
I looked away, took a sip of coffee, and then looked back. “You know my plan.”
“I know the plan you’ve convinced yourself you want.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said, my back instantly up. I was so tired of people making assumptions. Thinking they knew what I wanted. I was pretty sure Cole finally understood that I was more than what people saw.
“Don’t get all pissy. It’s just that you think getting your business degree and then coming back here to work at the dealership with Mama is some kind of requirement. I just want to make sure you aren’t doing it because you think you have to.”
“I don’t,” I told him. I knew I didn’t have to do any of it. I knew Mama wouldn’t care if I followed in her footsteps, but I kind of liked the idea of doing just that. At least, I had until some tall, lanky man had put thoughts in my head of traveling the world. Even that didn’t mean I couldn’t eventually finish my degree and come back to the dealership.
But somehow, with my eyes suddenly filled with the colors of the sky, my plan sounded trivial. Exchanging the whole world for a lifetime at a car dealership in a small town in Tennessee.
“See, right there, that makes me worry about you,” Ty said.
“I didn’t say anything,” I told him.
“We’re twins, Ginny. I see your face and know exactly what you’re thinking behind it.”
“Please, we haven’t been that way in a long time,” I said.
“I know. I’ve been kind of self-focused for a few years, but I’m trying to be the better man.”
This twisted my gut. “You’ve never been a bad man, Ty. You’ve got a heart the size of the state.”
He looked like he was considering my words. “Still, the better man is the one Maleena deserves. The one a pro team deserves. That I deserve.”
I put my coffee down and hugged him. “They’re all lucky to have you.”
“Don’t go getting all mushy on me.”
“You started it.”
We sat there for a minute in comfortable silence.
“Back to you,” he said. “You do know you’re not the only one who can take over the dealership, right?”
I laughed.
His eyes narrowed. “Don’t laugh. What the hell do you think I’m going to do when I’m too beat up to play? Plus, having an NFL celebrity running it would only be an asset.”
“You want to run the dealership?” Shock ran through me. It had always been my thing. The one thing my big, bright star of a brother couldn’t take away.
“That’s not exactly what I said. What I’m trying to say is, live the life you want, and let the other things take care of themselves.”
“Where is all this worry about me coming from?” I asked.
“Something Dad said.”
“Daddy was talking about me?” It surprised me. I’d definitely never done anything to make our parents worry about me. They didn’t even know I’d gone skydiving.
“He said he worries about you more than Eliza or me.”
I laughed again, thinking it was a joke, but when he didn’t join me, my smile died. “Why?”
“You know Dad, he said it way better than me, but basically, he’s afraid you’ll give up what you want so everyone else will be happy. So we all get what we want.”
I took in his serious face for a second and then looked away because I was afraid he’d see that the me who’d come alive in Cole’s arms was afraid of the same thing. Afraid I’d go back to living behind the sheer curtain. A half-life. Without feeling. I hadn’t known I was living that way. I’d known I didn’t feel attracted to guys. I’d known I was feeling left behind as my siblings and cousins all found these incredible paths to journey down, but I hadn’t known it was my own choices that were keeping me there.
“Cole wants me to go to Europe with him,” I said quietly, letting it burst out of me.
“Cole, as in Mayson’s roommate, Cole?” he asked with a puzzled expression. And when I nodded, realization dawned. “Is that who you were with last night?”
I didn’t answer, and Ty started