huge, happy family had never been that way.
All you had to do was look at the past week and realize we were unusual. So many truths and secrets had come tumbling out. So many endings as well as new beginnings. I was slightly envious of my brother and my cousins who had stood up for their dreams and their relationships. Khi and Stephen taking on a baby they hadn’t planned along with marriage and graduation. Ty leaving school to enter the draft and his girlfriend, Maleena, standing by him. Eliza eloping with Brett and moving thousands of miles away just to be with him. Mayson getting a movie deal and starting a production company with the woman he loved and her cousin. Even quiet, predictable Ginny had taken a radical step, announcing she was taking a semester off to travel Europe with Cole. She was still glowing. Happier than I’d ever seen her.
They’d all been brave. They’d all faced their fears with courage, and our family had rolled with every single punch it had been dealt. Our family had celebrated with them, because it meant that each of them got to live their dreams. Even if this new chapter ended with a closed door or heartache, it would still be a chapter they’d given their all to. They worked hard, lived every moment, and loved every breath.
I couldn’t say the same for me or Garrett. I’d refused to sacrifice for him. I’d blamed it on my family, saying I couldn’t leave them. But the truth was clear: I’d been afraid. Afraid that if I left, they’d somehow forget me, my wounds from my childhood coming back to slap me in my face. Mom and Dad had never left me. Not the way my biological mom, Lita, had. They would be sad to have me an ocean away in Scotland, but they wouldn’t let me be there alone. They would call and text and video chat. They would visit; I would visit. Moving would be a beginning, not an ending.
I hoped with all my heart I’d be able to tell Garrett all that eventually.
Dalton twirled in my direction with his best friend, Reese, wrapped in his arms. I smiled at the cozy picture they made. Happy to see them finally together as more than friends. Happy to see the love they’d always shined at each other finally being realized for what it was. But the glow of their love was also hard to look at when mine was so shadowed.
As they continued to twirl, both of them laughing, they almost ran into me and my little one, but Dalton shifted at the last moment.
“Sorry, Eds. We got carried away there for a moment,” Dalton said.
“You got carried away,” Reese said with a smirk.
“Can’t help it. You make me wild.”
Reese laughed.
Because Reese lived at Uncle Blake’s ranch, managing the horses, it was rare to see her in anything but jeans or riding gear. Tonight, she was wearing a silver sequined dress that showed off her lean curves and muscles. As if in defiance of the dress, she’d partnered it with a pair of bright, robin’s-egg-colored cowboy boots. It was funky and beautiful all at the same time. It was so Reese.
When she’d first taken over the job after her father had died of a heart attack, some folks had wondered if someone so young would be able to handle it, but she’d done a fabulous job. I’d originally thought the bruise she was sporting on her cheek under layers of makeup was from one of the horses, until I’d heard whispered talk about Reese’s ex-boyfriend among my male cousins. They’d handled it. In the over-the-top, protective way they’d always looked after all of us.
Reese peeked at the baby. “She’s gorgeous, Edie,” she said.
I nodded. It was all I could do. Agree. She was.
The music morphed into a line dancing song, and Reese pulled Dalton with her onto the dance floor. Soon, most of my cousins were there, laughing and slapping and following the steps. They were so damn beautiful. Golden. Bright. Shining stars.
It was hard to look at and also hard to look away from.
Love poured from them while I ached for mine so badly I thought I’d bleed out on the floor. Only the baby was holding me here. Keeping me in place. Tethering me to the earth.
Garrett
CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU
“It's almost midnight where you lay your head
But I'm calling numbers, buying plane tickets in bed.”
Performed by OneRepublic
Written by Kutzle